Fifteen weeks + 2

Well it took all day yesterday and a good nights sleep but I think my hangover has finally gone away. Good grief how do people manage to do that kind of thing every weekend, OK I know it's another sign of my age, well good for me I'm old I can't stay up drinking until 3 in the morning, still I guess it's OK to do these things once in a blue moon. (there will be no more blue moons for me for a very long time) I did really enjoy myself at the time though, which was the major point. Enough of my boozy weekend, where is my week heading? Well today Xander is back at school, but Will has an inset day, so I've already nominated him to help me with the shopping, mind you I have to get him out of bed first, and I know he was still awake at 2 this morning as we scared the pants off each other on the landing, still you're only 15 once I suppose. Xander never takes it well when Will has a day off and he doesn't and is already complaining about feeling ill, I don't mind I think it's practically part of my Monday morning routine now dealing with Xanders fake illnesses, trouble is one of these days he really will be ill, you know the story, then I'll feel really bad. A friend of mine, who's son complained of tummy aches, which she said were probably just because he needed to go to the loo, well she felt really guilty when it turned out he had appendicitis, whoops, so I always remember that one and tread a little carefully just in case. Any way so apart from shopping and housework and Malarky and Ned, I have nothing to do today at all. (mad and sad I know)

I went and bought myself (yes I used my Uni loan money) a brand new tumble drier, it's a Zanussi one and I have no clue how to use it, it's far too complicated. My old one had a temp button, for hot and not so hot, a timer that counted round to 0 and a start button. This one has none of those things but lots of other buttons, and it beeps when you press them, and it plays a tune when it's finished, well that's what I think it means. Trouble is all my washing was relatively dry having been on an airer for a day or so, so I can't even tell you if it actually dries clothes. I can tell you it doesn't set alight whilst it's running so I'm thinking that's an improvement over the last one at least. Well I'll have to let you know how we get on with each other, trouble is, with the way I was feeling yesterday having yet one more thing that beeped at me wasn't really what I wanted to find myself.

I had better go and poke Xander and make sure he gets ready for school, and yes I'll check him for severe stomach pains before I send him out. It does actually look like it's going to be a nice day, weather wise if you look out of the window, but according to the weather report, it's not. I wonder who will be right about that today?

Fifteen weeks + 1

I need everyone to be just a little bit quieter this morning, no sympathy required but I was up until the small hours drinking with Neils mate John and his wife Sharon, so I have a real humdinger of a hangover. I did , however, really enjoy myself last night, and Cyril was on his best behaviour and didn't spoil my evening at all. The food was really nice and the hotel itself very nice indeed, the only problem was that the evening might have started at 7:30 but we didn't eat till much later than that, it just pushed everything back time wise, which is why at 3 this morning I thought it was only just past 12. I have to admit I was quite confused when I woke up this morning and my phone said it was 9:15 and I wasn't sure if that meant it was actually 8:15 or that my phone was set to change the time automatically, we had only until 10 to get down for breakfast so we went then just in case. The lovely English breakfast they gave us did help to soak up some of the alcohol, but I haven't been drinking till that late in a really long time, so I'm not sure when I'll actually feel better, Neil says Tuesday so I've a while to wait.

The people never contacted us about going to see their caravan, which is a little rude, but probably not a bad thing. It does now mean that I can use my money to go and buy a working tumble drier (without flames). The caravan purchase isn't as desperate as my need for a tumble drier, and to be fair we wouldn't go away until spring next year even if we had a van now, so we have time to sit and wait for the right one to turn up. We found a really unusual layout yesterday, and I really liked it but it's one of those 25 foot caravans that means we have to demolish the wall to even get it on the drive, something that Neil thinks is a step too far. 

Well I'm on my 17th cup of coffee (that may be a light exaggeration) and I'm still wearing somebody elses head, so I think I'll go and lie down for a while and see if it improves any. I'll be back here tomorrow, hopefully sober.

Fifteen weeks later

I do think it's funny that people who have no problem sleeping (that would be Neil) have no real clue about how it feels when you do have problems sleeping (me). His advice to me this morning at 5:30 when I'd already been awake for over an hour being a good indication of that "why don't you go back to sleep", wow that's amazing why didn't I think of that at ten past 4 then I'd be much better off. Sorry sarcasm I know, lowest form of wit. I just wish I knew why I keep waking up that early, and more to the point why I seem unable to go back to sleep, am I worried about Uni, the boys, my health, or is my brain just working on overtime for some reason? If what was going through my mind whilst I was tossing and turning is any indication, I'm probably losing the plot - it was cakes, and specifically malt loaf and what I'd do with the rest of the bottle of malt extract that I'd need to buy if I made one, which is why I haven't. Do you see what I mean, it's not rocket science stuff, or deep and meaningful mental agility, it's just malt loaf. Oh well, I'm guessing it's an insight for some of you into the complicated movements of my mind in the early morning, and the rest of you are probably thinking about how much you like malt loaf, and that you haven't had any for ages. Me well, I think I'll make banana bread instead as I have bananas, or I am bananas, you take your pick.

I am really looking forward to going out tonight, and really worried about it at the same time, mainly in case Cyril misbehaves. Staying at the hotel gives me a feeling of safety though, knowing I don't have to deal with Cyril in the normal toilets, if he starts acting up, but in the privacy of my own room. When I'm out I always used the disabled toilets if I need to deal with him, as I need a sink to hand, I always expect somebody to challenge my need to use them, as I appear a perfectly healthy person, but so far nobody has. It's a fight I'm always prepared for and am actually disappointed I've never had to have. Another point about staying in the hotel and dealing with Cyril is that I can use a tiny clutch bag (purchased yesterday from Matalan for £4), instead of my bulky bag, as I only need room for my phone, purse and a bit of lippy, you have no idea how nice a feeling it all will be, I just might feel a little girly for a change. Anyway enough about Cyril, I get annoyed enough when he spoils my day, without him clogging up my blog as well. 

So Neil says take it easy today, I think he's worried I'll burn myself out before we even get to the hotel, he's planning to stop up drinking with his mate and his wife who are also going, and he's afraid I won't be up to the challenge. Well after being up since 4 he may be right, but if I do lots of things this morning and tire myself out I can have an afternoon nap and be all refreshed for this evening. I can see that this is all going to go wrong, I won't be able to sleep and after a couple of glasses of wine I'll slip into a coma at the table this evening and be a total embarrassment to him. It could go either way really. I will be taking Ned to the woods today though, the last thing the boys need this evening is a bouncy dog to contend with. I also have to go and do Malarky, yesterday the boys skipped out his field whilst I groomed him and changed his rugs. That's not strictly true but it had been their intention to skip out the field, in reality they aren't very quick at it, so I finished it off. My response to their comment about me being much faster than them at skipping out, well I used to do it for a living, so it only seems fair!

We are still waiting to hear back from the people selling the caravan if we can pop and see it on Sunday, it would be on our way back from the hotel in the morning, mind you I'm not sure I'll be in any fit state to view caravans at that time, not if tonight goes the way Neil thinks. We'll have to wait and see, and also my blog is going to be really really late tomorrow, but I will do it and let you know how this evening went, and whether my boys survived the night without us.

Fourteen weeks + 6

You won't believe this but I was asleep until 8 o'clock this morning, wow, trouble is this is an oddball for me now rather than the norm. Mind you it really looks like October out there today, which is another comfort, all grey and misty. I've always liked this time of year, the colours of the trees, the misty mornings, the central heating, all comfy and cosy, mind you this time of year when you are at Uni also means your first essay is probably due in as well so that's something I'm not too keen on, and once you get the first one in the others usually come thick and fast. At least my finance has finally been sorted out and Student Finance England sent me a text message yesterday to say my money was going in to my bank account today, I'm amazed, I didn't know they had my mobile number, it's the first thing they've managed to do that's impressed me. I want to use the money to go Christmas shopping and to buy myself a tumble drier that isn't a fire risk, but Neil wants me to hold fire (excuse the pun) as he wants to look at a caravan that's for sale locally. I know it seems an odd thing to do with your student loan, but last year I bought double glazed windows with it, so it doesn't seem odd at all, I treat it more like wages that mean I can contribute something towards the house, even if it's a part payment for a caravan.

I may be tempting fate by typing this, but this thing I'm doing with Xander definitely seems to be improving his behaviour, he's still winding Will up but that's pretty normal brotherly behaviour, at least he and I aren't constantly falling out with each other. If you measure it in strops, he hasn't stropped off upstairs once in the past two days, so that's practically a miracle. I never had to do anything like this with Will, it just goes to show you that you don't get two the same, and I certainly didn't. Mind you it was Wills turn to make me laugh yesterday, he was sat in the dining room doing a physics paper (revision for looming mock exams), when I heard him laughing out loud, now they've either changed physics a lot since I was at school or there was something else going on, well yes there was Xander was watching Dodgeball (movie) in the living room, well that's not how I envisaged Wills physics revision taking place. I had made him do it in the dining room as his biology paper that he'd done the other day was done whilst he was talking on skype to a friend of his. I really don't think he's taking his revision seriously enough, although the sciences are his best subjects so maybe he's just relaxed about them. Time will tell on that one too, I don't want to be one of those Moms that makes his life a misery whilst he's revising, but I would like to see him doing some revision that didn't involve a movie or a computer, maybe I'm just old fashioned.

I had a great lunch with Carla yesterday, although we were unnerved by the change in the Eating Place (Harvester) itself, we used to eat there quite regularly knew some of the waitresses and certainly were familiar with the menu. Not any more, not only have they changed the layout and the décor, they've changed all the staff and the menu too. We're typical of most people, we don't like change, and were so relieved to see a familiar face when our food arrived, so at least some things were the same. Even the salad cart had loads of new things, including some crunchy topping things that I thought looked cheesy so I grabbed a pile, turned out they were spicy and not my cup of tea at all, shouldn't these sort of dangerous substances be labelled? Still we had a great time catching up, although we ate far too much (including sharing a pudding) we're thinking we won't be able to do it again until Christmas so it doesn't really matter. 

Well what do I have on for today, I have to admit I'm fighting the urge to go to Merry Hill and spend some of my student money, just a tiny little bit, maybe on a bag for going out tomorrow night. Neil was teasing me yesterday about this free night out we were having that's cost us the best part of £200 so far, well I needed an outfit, and it's not like I'll never wear it again, and a bag would be nice, and maybe a bracelet too. He was laughing when he was saying it, maybe I could just pop to Matalan in Kidderminster instead, I could pick up what I want there and not be too tempted like I would be at Merry Hill, I could maybe treat the boys to a McDonalds too whilst I was there. OK I can see Neils point, maybe I'd be better off, and so would my finances, if I just stayed home and did the housework, but, today should be Fun Time Friday and there's no fun in that at all. I'll have another coffee I think before I decide exactly what I'm going to do.

Fourteen weeks + 5

My Mom, and her friend Pam, thinks that Xander is going through puberty early and that's why we are having so much trouble with him, I think that Neil and I have come to the same conclusion. It's hard when  some of the time Xander is so kind and thoughtful, it just makes his stroppy moods and his lousy attitude at other times seem so much worse. It all came to a head (again) on Tuesday night, he upset me so much that I just sent him upstairs for a shower and told him not to come back down, but to go straight to bed. So yesterday morning when he got up he was quite surprised to find out that he was on a ban (electrical), "you never told me I was on a ban", well I'm a fair parent and I normally give at least one warning before I put any ban in place, but as I pointed out to Xander I was so upset I couldn't speak to him on Tuesday, therefore the ban was implied. He accepted that, and yesterday we went about repairing our broken relationship. We did things together (apart from when I had to go to Uni, they don't like you taking your kids with you, funny that), he did puzzles while I washed up, and we cooked the dinner together, we even all went to the woods (all except Neil, he was at work). Then in the evening Xander was allowed to watch TV, as a reward for his good behaviour in the day. I will try to spend today doing the same sort of things and slowly, maybe reintroduce the XBox. I don't blame the XBox for spoiling my relationships with both of my boys, but it doesn't help. I've told Xander that XBox use for him will only be the direct result of a major change in attitude, and can be removed again at any point. I wouldn't mind but the XBox he uses is actually Neils, so I can't exactly remove it. Oh well this process is going to be ongoing and I'm sure that Xander will be in my blog regularly, but lets hope it's as much for his kindness and specialness, rather than his behaviour.

What am I going to do with myself today, well I'd normally have Summerhill this morning, but as it's half term, I don't think I need to go. I am actually having lunch with Carla, which will be so great, we hardly speak to each other at the moment, never mind see each other. She is so busy with all her college students, and I'm , well I'm so busy with everything in my life, we just don't seem to have the time to catch up any more. So lunch it is, and a lot of chatting, my boys asked if they could come with us, so I said, they could as long as they paid for themselves, so that solved that quite quickly. We are going to the Harvester, which when he was little Xander used to call "the eating place", Carla and I still do, but Xander now calls it the Harvester, isn't it sad sometimes that they grow up. Will used to call his fingers, "fingles", I miss that too. I mean how did it all fly by so fast, Will is so grown up, and in his last year at school, and Xander, well we won't go there, but still, it goes so fast! 

I think that after I've been a "lady that lunches", I'll get both of the boys to come to the field with me, I like them to have a little bit of fresh air and they didn't fall out with each other at the woods yesterday. All this is in preparation for them being left together on Saturday night, Will has lost out on a babysitting gig because of it (I do hope I don't have to pay him) so I really hope it goes OK. I don't expect that anything bad will happen, just that Xander won't do what Will tells him to do, and Will will then be on the phone to us every 5 minutes (trust me I know my boys). My solution is not to tell Xander to do what Will says, but to tell Will not to tell him to do anything, then they can't go wrong, can they. Is that a slightly backwards plan, or do you think that it may work? We will have to wait and see about that one.

Right I'm going to have myself another cup of coffee before Xander gets up, and I think I'll see if I can't find a nice recipe for a cake for us to make this morning, as part of our relationship fixing, it's bound to work better if it's centred around food.

Fourteen weeks + 4

Well isn't this a lovely looking morning, but I'm thinking that it's probably a lot colder than it looks. Still I can't hide away from the weather today as I've got Uni and I have to do Malarky too. I also have to remember to drop off Neils dressing gown at Lauras house, she's wearing it to a Halloween Party on Saturday night. That's not quite as crazy as it first sounds as she's going as a Jedi Knight and his dressing gown is a copy of one of their robes, with the emblem and everything, it's actually the one he doesn't wear because it trips him up a lot. Talking of parties Neil and I are going to his bosses (Frank) 70th birthday party on Saturday, and we are staying overnight in the hotel that it's at, it's amazing we never stay away from home and now we'll have done it twice this year. We are still deciding whether it's a good idea to leave the boys at home together or not, it's all very dependent on Xanders behaviour over the next few days. Although based on his behaviour yesterday, it won't be an issue, nor for me either as I'll be in prison for murder. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong with him, one day we're fine the next it's like a tragedy, I guess I just have to grin and bear it and hope it's a phase he's going to grow out of.

Xander was quite funny yesterday, when he wasn't being naughty, I wanted to know what he thought of my new hairstyle, and the colour I chose. I got a " the colour, I guess it's OK, I suppose" and a "your hair, I don't know really" and finally a "well it's not terrible", so after being totally overwhelmed by his compliments I decided not to ask any of the others. I mean if it's a Xander thing, then it doesn't matter, if it's a male thing, then I'm screwed as I'm surrounded by the damn things. Not that I don't love my boys and my husband I do, it's just that sometimes there are just too many of them. When it comes to group decisions I am always the odd one out, movies - well they are always action, food - well it will be pizza, shopping - no sorry Mom you're on your own there. Still if I want something heavy carrying I guess they come in handy.

I am actually quite excited about Saturday, I bought myself a new outfit, including some boots, nothing too fancy but pretty, so I asked Neil this morning what he was planning to wear. All I got was a shrug, and an I don't know, I think he'd like a new outfit too, but didn't want to say, talk about leaving it to the last minute. Clothes just don't come very high up on the importance list for the men in my house which is why I always end up doing last minute clothes shopping trips if we are going anywhere. Even in the summer and going on holiday, I always ask if there's anything that they need well before we go away, they either don't really listen to me (which is a real possibility) or they are just trying to drive me nuts, they are all "no we're fine". Then the week before we go I suddenly get requests from all of them for various items of clothing and footwear, how can they all have clothing emergencies just before a holiday, it's not normal! 

Anyway I should better get on with my day, it's going to be busy again for a change.

Fourteen weeks + 3

Guess who was up at 5:30 this morning, I'm thinking that wasn't a tricky question to answer. It could be because Neil is back at work today, and I wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet of the morning without him, but it's more likely that I had too much going on in my head and just couldn't go back to sleep. Hey dinner went really well last night, but it was a little later than I hoped, I put a panhaggerty topping (layers of sliced potato, onion and grated cheese) on top of a cottage pie base, it was really tasty. There was also enough left for Neil to take to work for lunch, so that's something warm and home cooked for him, instead of boring sandwiches. I told him I was going to miss him not being around today and he just laughed and said that my blog would be full of "thank goodness he's gone back to work statements", it's not true, although he is right that I'll be glad to get back to my own routine today. Actually I'm going to have my hair done this afternoon, hopefully in time to pop to the field and still get to Uni for my lecture. This means I have to go food shopping this morning, and I'm supposed to take the dog to the woods on a Tuesday, hmm I'm not sure that I have time for all of that. I'm thinking that timetables are for term time and have to give a bit when the kids are on holidays, or if I'm going to the hairdressers. 

The job Neil found to do yesterday was a little disruptive, especially when you know that we were having guests coming to dinner. He decided to take up the living room carpet, and a couple of the floor boards and put the cables for his surround sound system under the floor. Now this involves somebody actually going under the floor (there is a crawl space, although you wouldn't catch me in it), and that somebody turned out to be Xander. He refused at first when Neil asked, but once Neil had gone under the floor, curiosity got the better of Xander. So the next time I came into the room there was Neil above ground and no sign of Xander, until I listened and realised he was under the floor with a torch humming the theme tune to Indiana Jones, well it will give him something to write about when he gets back to school. I'm betting his "what I did in the holiday" report will raise a few eyebrows. I said it was almost Dickensian sending him under the floor, Neil just thought it all the more funny, apparently he quite liked it under there. Well each to his own. The living room was all righted in time for my Dad and Jills arrival last night, so everything turned out OK, oh except the cable box doesn't work any more, well that can't be a coincidence, Neil thinks he tugged it a little hard as he was putting that under the floor as well, so that's an effective way of limiting the kids TV viewing, by pulling the cable out of the wall. I'm guessing it's me that is going to have to ring the cable company and get them out, but I'm pretty sure they are going to charge us for the privilege when they find out why it doesn't work!

So if it's only 7.15 now can I write a shopping list and go shopping and get back before my boys wake up? It is something to consider, although it does depend what time that Lidl opens, I mean I like the shop but even I think it's a bit much to be sitting outside it waiting for it to open on a damp Tuesday morning. I could, of course, take the dog to the woods instead, but as he's asleep too, and it's actually still dark outside, and again a damp Tuesday morning, maybe not. Like I said something will just have to give today, and I'm guessing it's the woods. Well I'll get on with that shopping list and see what I can do about it.  

Fourteen weeks + 2

The adventure with the cats continues, we have shut Herbie in the kitchen and left the door open to the utility, this is in the hope that he will give in and actually go in there and eat. There are with cats, as with children, no guarantees, so we will have to wait and see, the old chestnut "he'll eat when he gets hungry enough", doesn't apply as most cats have, like children, a stubborn streak. The other two are adapting to it quite well though, so I can be pleased about that and we always knew Herbie would be the sticking point. I have to tell you that I didn't have too bad a nights sleep, although it was a little disturbed at about 3 o'clock by Xander coming into the room because he'd had a bad dream, well we had a king size bed for a reason, so I just shuffled up a bit and told him there was a puzzle book if he didn't want to go straight back to sleep. There is nothing like a word puzzle for making the world seem more normal at 3 o'clock in the morning, OK so I am a little weird, but it works for me, and for Xander. The only problem was him wanting me to stay awake for a while and do the puzzle with him, now that was tricky. He is still snoozing the morning away, so he's obviously settled enough.

We have no real plans for today at all, which considering that Neil is on holiday is a very strange feeling. All we have to do today is a little bit of housework, and to go to the field and do Malarky, I do also have dinner to cook for tonight and my Dad and Jill are coming over late afternoon for a visit so that will be nice. Talking of fields, we have been looking up how much some of my equipment is, as I've requested a new wheel barrow for Christmas, I know you think that's a little sad, and Will wonders how you can wrap one, (ha ha) but I wanted a new one and why not ask Santa for one. I normally don't have a clue what I want for Christmas and this year I've got a really long list of things, it's funny Neil complains when I say nothing and complains when my list is long, there's no winning with this man. I really can't see that he'll be happy just pottering around the house today, (his words not mine) he's bound to find himself something. Yesterday he built a cupboard around the boiler in the kitchen, I said to Will "it's only taken him 8 years to do that", to which he replied "he only started it this morning", oh boy it's funny in this house. It is true that he's had all the bits of wood, and a door front that matches my kitchen since we fitted the kitchen 8 years ago, he just never got around to working out how best to actually build it, so he didn't. Now it looks really good, as boilers are quite ugly things, so I'm thinking that if I just leave him to his own devices he might find another job from within the last decade that he never got around to doing, or maybe finishing, that will keep him occupied all day. 

I'm thinking about the week ahead, I need to ring the hairdressers and see if they can fit me in for a cut and colour, I stupidly asked Xander what colour and he said, white, well I'm stopping my consultation right there, as who knows what cut he'd come up with. I do have to remember that I have Uni lectures this week, although it will be nice not having to drag Will out of bed every morning and get him out to school, I have no clue what he'll be like next September when he'll have to leave the house almost an hour earlier to get himself to college, I'm guessing painful, is somewhere in the answer to that question. Talking of Will he has a lot of homework to do this holiday so that's his week just about sorted, he hasn't had too much for weeks then they've piled it on for the half term holidays, seems a little cruel, but I guess that's year 11 for you, it's a serious time.

I'm going to go now as Neil went into the kitchen about half an hour ago to make me a coffee and he's still missing, I'm only slightly concerned as I can't hear banging or anything.

Fourteen weeks + 1

Well I am running a little late this morning, but for all of the right reasons, I woke up again at about 4 o'clock but 4 crosswords and 2 sudoku puzzles later I finally dropped back off and slept until 9 o'clock, it's not a perfect nights sleep but it nearer to a whole one. This morning I have had the interesting task of trying to move the feeding of my cats from the floor in the kitchen, onto the new breakfast bar in the utility, anyone who has ever attempted this kind of major upheaval with their cats will appreciate the enormity of the task I have ahead of me, it certainly isn't a simple process. Phase one was to get them all into the kitchen at the same time (easy) then by way of using a can of tuna to tempt them into the utility and up onto the side. It does bear mentioning that I have 3 cats, and as anyone with cats will tell you they are all completely different, and so pose very different problems. Denny (Dennis the Menace) owns the joint so he practically walked straight into the room and onto the side, Mini (yes the car not the mouse) she came in second, but milled around on the floor meowing like a noisy beached whale, well I lifted her onto the side, then she was fine. Now Herbie (again a car, do you see a pattern now, this is what happens when you have boys and you let them name your cats, plus Denny had a really close call and was nearly named Spaka Cat) Herbie is my very nervous Bi-Polar cat, and Neil had to carry him in, avoiding the hissing, and place him on the breakfast bar, at that he hissed at me and jumped back off, but the door was shut, so I picked him up again and put him next to his bowl of tuna, nope he just hissed and jumped off again. Well by this point Denny had finished his tuna and moved onto the next bowl anyway, so I said enough for now. I know this will be a slow process, and just to give you an example of how Herbie doesn't like change, when we had the dog it was 6 months before he would even eat downstairs, so I am in for a long haul!

Yesterday turned out to be a trip from hell, well no it was a hellish trip through Wolverhampton. Somehow we managed to turn up in on the ring road at the exact same moment as the spectators all poured out of the Molineux, the whole place just ground to a standstill, and no matter how much turning down side streets and trying to cut across we did, we just ground back to a halt. It took us 40 minutes just to get out of the city. A journey to Neils Mom and Dads normally takes between 40 and 50 minutes so basically we doubled our journey time, plus I thought Neil might actually implode, if you think I've got no patience I'm nothing compared to Neil when he's stuck in traffic. It is our own fault we never checked to see if a match was on, but to be fair, even if there is we are normally travelling through whilst it's on, so I can only assume it was an early kick off time. Still it was a lesson learned.

As to today, well we will have the ongoing adventure with feeding the cats, that can only get more interesting. Neil has moved my washing machine into the utility as well now, which was a much simpler process than the cats, well it was once he'd pulled it back out and actually turned on the cold water. Now I can move the little freezer back under the breakfast bar in the kitchen and then I just have a nice furniture sized gap to fill in the kitchen extension. Although there was some talk yesterday of not doing that, and of getting rid of the dogs settee, demoting him to a bed on the floor, and possibly buying the boys a pool table for Christmas that would fit quite nicely in there, thank you very much. I'm not quite sure how much of a say I have in this, but I only narrowly managed to hold onto my dining room table, earlier in the year when the idea was first mentioned! This is the cost of being outnumbered by the men in my life. When Neils Mom said, "where do you eat though?", Neil just said, you can put a piece of MDF and a table cloth on top of the pool table, it's simple. That's when I knew I was in trouble, it had been far to thoroughly thought out. I will keep you informed of the pool table plans, and whether my cats manage to adjust to their food moving. Now I'm going to find that elusive second cup of coffee and hope that the washing machine isn't leaking all over my lovely new utility floor.

Fourteen weeks later

OK I am breaking all of my own records today and have been awake since 3.30, I'm doing the opposite of what Will likes to do in the holidays, he stays up later and later and later until he doesn't go to sleep at all in the night. I'm waking up earlier and earlier, until I'll have to start going to bed at 4 in the afternoon. Still it makes for a pretty peaceful house when you're up that early, and the look the dog gave me was really funny, he just about managed to lift his head off his bed, and then hid it under his blanket, I don't blame him I didn't want to be awake that early either. It also causes problems with meals, if you are up that early and have breakfast it feels like it's time for lunch at about 9 o'clock and dinner should be at 3, still that's OK if you're going to go to bed at 4! To be fair I seem to have a lot going through my mind at the moment, it's not that I'm worrying, well no more than usual, just busy really and so is my brain, especially at stupid times of the morning, or is it night, I'm not sure.

So fourteen weeks since my operations, they really do seem so long ago now, I sometimes read my earlier blogs and it really does amaze me how different everything is from then, and how far away all that pain is. Will even talked about the possibility of me trying for the reversal again sometime in the future, that was a major step, and not something I thought I'd hear from him, well not yet anyway. He has done so much growing up these past few months, I'm pretty confident he's going to turn into a smashing young man, and that's a nice feeling to have. Xander, on the other hand, is at the moment unlikely to reach 12, but then I remember feeling like that about Will when he was younger so there is hope for him too. If I'm honest there is some comfort in Xander behaving like a toad towards me, as it wasn't that long ago that everyone was tip toeing around me, and too worried about my well being to behave normally, now normality has resumed and Xander has gone back into being a stroppy 11 year old, rather than a carer for his Mom.

So what are we doing today, well we were supposed to be taking the caravan to Neils sisters as she is having it off us, but I think, due to a lack of communication, that has fallen through, we are still visiting Neils Mom and Dad though, so at least I know I don't have to cook tonight. Don't get me wrong I love to cook, nothing pleases me more than feeding people, but I'm not stupid I do like to be fed occasionally too. Will is not coming with us, partly because he's baby sitting tonight, but mostly because he doesn't want to, you do get to that point where your kids just don't want to come and visit Nanny and Granddad any more, actually he doesn't wan to holiday with us either so nobody needs to take it too personally. 

Oh I have to tell you, I have a sink in my utility, yes I do and it has hot and cold running water and everything. I was so pleased, as soon as it was ready I put some hand wash and a towel in there, ready for my attempt at OCD hand washing. Neil still has to fit another piece of breakfast bar and move the washing machine back in, but the plumbing was the fiddly part and that's all done now. I also have an outside tap at the back, now Xander said "haven't we always had one?", which is sort of true, but we have one at the side of the house, and there's an extension in the way if you are in the garden and want to use the hose. So, to be accurate, I have another outside tap, one at the side and one at the back. Will pointed out that it just wasn't that interesting, unless you were having a water pistol fight, which is probably true for them, but I've waited a long time for that tap, so excuse me for being a little excited about it.

I'm off now, I have housework to do, I know that's not unusual, but I didn't want to start banging around in the kitchen at 4 in the morning, I'm cruel, but not that cruel.

Thirteen weeks + 6

So we are coming to the end of what feels like a very long week, it's been draining but productive. Next week is half term, so while the kids are off school that will ease my daily routine, but I must remember to go to my lectures as Uni doesn't do half terms. That was a problem when I first started Uni, and I missed lectures then to stay home with the kids,  but now well, my kids barely need me at all (unless it's to drive them somewhere), so I just go to my lectures as normal. As long as I remember, you do tend to lose track of what day it is at half term, so maybe I'd better set a reminder on my phone just to be on the safe side.

We had Wills parents evening last night, well I did, it was too early for Neil to get there. I did take Will with me however, and he was stunned at how badly organised it was and how everyone ended up seeing people at all the wrong times. I've always been surprised that considering what a good school it is they make such a hash of organising the parents evening. For example my last appointment was supposed to be 6:40, but it ended up being at 7:40, and I was only seeing 5 different teachers, and certainly didn't talk to any of them over my allotted 5 mins. Don't get me wrong I don't know what the better way of running the evening should be, you just feel like there really should be a better way. I know one lady who had an appointment to see the maths teacher at 5:10 and eventually got to see him at 7:20, so you see what I mean. Any way the majority of teachers had nothing but praise for how Will was doing, and the relevant teachers of the subjects he wants to do at A level all said yes he should. So that's a big relief for me, and for him, he really lacks confidence in his own abilities, so I really hope that he's been given a bit of a boost by hearing what the teachers had to say about him. 

Now to my day, well I have to remember to go to the doctors for a blood test at 11:55, (aren't there a lot of times in my blog today) it's one of those count the cells to check the cancer hasn't come back kind of blood tests, which you try not to think about, but worry yourself sick over. Still I'm back at Summerhill this afternoon for the Year 10 double lesson, they really are a great bunch of kids, and are trying hard to understand the issues in Northern Ireland, that led to all the troubles in the 1960s. It's also giving me quite a taste of the pressure that Miss Wilson is under, in trying to make sure she gets it right, without giving them too much help, she let me read some of the instructions that the exam board gave her, and trust me, it's a minefield. Still I've a few tears before they let me loose on a GCSE class, well I'm guessing I have. I can't wait to get into a classroom and actually start teaching (I know I'm a bit mad). Oh I have Neil underfoot today as well, but in a good way, although he kicked me off the PC this morning which is why my blog is later than normal. He's trying to finish off the utility, it will be so brilliant when it's finished, I'm going to really enjoy having a sink in there, I may develop an OCD for hand washing just so I can use it loads (again I know mad). Will has an orthodontists appointment this afternoon that Neil will have to take him to, I told Will that Neil didn't know where it was, and he said if Neil could get him to the car park, he could find his way to the orthodontist, but he sounded very unsure, until I realised he thought his Dad didn't know how to get to Kidderminster. Seriously these kids have very little confidence in our abilities sometimes. 

Right I'm going to go now and find myself something to occupy me upstairs I think so I can avoid having to be Neils plumbers mate!

Thirteen weeks + 5

Well Xander and I are at it again and have started the day by falling out with each other, when will I learn? I've put him on a permanent ban (from using electrical devices) until I see a real change in attitude, and considering the fall out was all about the computer it seems like the right thing to do. Will somebody please tell me if at some point in the future we will just all get on with each other and not fall out at all. Though right now that seems like a very far fetched and fanciful idea indeed. I managed to get around my falling out with Neil over my outfit by ordering it from Next,  (so I don't have to pay for it yet) mind you I've replaced it with a cut and colour at the hairdressers, which may be just as pricey! The joys of married life.

We went to the open evening at King Eds in Stourbridge last night, Will really liked the look of the Biology A level they do there as it's split into 2 separate ones, Biology and Human Biology, he doesn't really like all the human stuff. We get a break I think for a couple of weeks until the next round of open evenings, and I for one am glad about that, it already seems a little overwhelming, and I'm just the parent, I can't imagine how Will must feel. Mind you knowing him it will all be water off a ducks back and he's given it no more thought at all. I have my speed dating parents evening this evening, I've always had my suspicions as Will makes all the appointments and I think only gets them with teachers he knows will give favourable reviews. Mind you his friends Mum says her son gets her appointments with every single teacher he has, even PE (which they do but it's not a GCSE), so I'm not sure which one of us has the better deal. So I have 5 appointments, although it's 8 subjects, doesn't that sound silly. His English teacher is also his BTEC Media teacher and you only get one ten minute appointment with a science teacher despite the fact it's 3 separate subjects. I also have an appointment with Miss Wilson, which Will said was silly as I'm spending the morning with her, but as I pointed out, funnily enough, we don't spend our entire time together discussing him. Actually I try very hard not to, I like to keep him separate from my volunteering there, although he does pop into the conversations occasionally.

What do I have on today, apart from Summerhill this morning and speed dating parents evening this evening? Well I will have to squeeze in a trip to Malarky and taking Ned to the woods somewhere into today, although I'm  beginning to think it may be a bit of a tight squeeze. Will says he'll come to the woods with me, so that's an after school thing and if I have to be at school for my first appointment at 6 o'clock I will have to fit in cooking the dinner into that window as well. The joys of having a busy life, I could do with a holiday already and we are only a few weeks into the term. I'm off now to find myself another cup of coffee, it's going to be one of those sort of days!

Thirteen weeks + 4

OK so Neil and Will did get to the right open evening, they came home at about 9:30 and we all had a sit down and a chat, I have to say I've never seen anybody so excited at the idea of doing Physics A level, it was almost unnerving. So his idea is Maths, Physics, Biology and maybe Law, does that sound like a really odd mix to anyone else. Any way back to this physics, apparently this years A level students are having a trip to Cern, you know to go and see the superconducting super collider (so good they named it twice), I mean how cool is that? (I'm sort of being Will except he'd never say cool). The only down side to this Windsor school is the two buses he will have to take to get there, but as he'd have to take one of them to get to Stourbridge to get to King Eds, it doesn't seem an unworkable deal. The agreement is that he'll apply, then he can choose where he wants to go at a later date. I mentioned that he should make sure his form tutor mentions on his reference that he's been continuing to study and do well these past two years despite what he has had to deal with with me at home, I think it says something about his character in a good way, but he's not convinced. So I'm going to leave it up to him.

Talking of me and my problems, Neil upset me last night, only over something stupid (I wanted a new outfit for a birthday party we've been invited to and he was being funny about it), but it did lead me into a mini confession and I thought it would be best to put it in here too, in case you didn't realise. I don't want to leave the house, ever, that's my permanent state of feeling, when I said about considering agoraphobia as a lifestyle choice I wasn't joking. I feel safe here, and know that whatever happens I can deal with it (Cyril and what not), but when I'm out I feel so vulnerable and just want to come home again. As Neil said last night, that would be letting what happened to me control what I do, and can do in the future, I know that so I go out. I take Ned to the woods and go to the field to Malarky, these are the easiest things to do, I'm not far from home and can get into my car at any point that I want to and return. Then I go shopping, that's not too bad I'm under my own steam and not under any obligation, it's why I like shopping at Lidls it doesn't take as long to do as the shop is smaller (and cheaper). Then you throw Uni into the mix, I have to sit in a lecture for at least an hour, on Tuesday evenings it's 2, I frequently have somebody sitting right next too me (I worry as Cyril makes noises at times, little bugger), I don't feel like I can just get up and leave at any moment although I spend a great deal of my time wanting to do just that. Even harder than Uni is going to Summerhill, being in that classroom environment with so many people in close proximity, for the whole morning or afternoon, it's hard for me to do that, and I love going there. Then there are visits and parties, going to his Moms (as we are this weekend), going to the Eaton Hotel for a slap up meal, it terrifies me. What do you think Neil said, yes he said, "we don't have to go, you just had to say", that wasn't really the right answer. I go on visits and to Summerhill because I want to, I go to Uni because I have to finish what I started and become a teacher. I walk the dog and go to my horse because I need to. I won't let what has happened to me control what I can and cannot do. That doesn't mean that's how I feel, what I feel like doing is staying right where I am all day long.

So confessions of a closet agoraphobic over, I had better start my day, I'm already running late as I didn't actually wake up at 4.30 this morning, but slept through to my second alarm at 7:45, amazing! I have to get Xander off to school, and I have Uni today, I'll go and see Malarky on the way back and I do have to remember to pop to the shop as I forgot to buy actimels and cat biscuits from shopping this week (so Will and the cats are annoyed), Then after dinner Neil, Will and I are off to King Eds to see what that will hold in store for the future for Will. It is rally odd thinking of him going to college, I can't believe the years have gone so fast. Big sigh....

Thirteen weeks + 3

Xander has a brilliant teacher, and she has gone quite some way to allay his fears about getting changed in front of the other children, she's also told him that the teachers think he's doing really well, and is a smashing student, so that's a really good boost to his ego. I'm hoping we're going to have heard the end of this particular problem, but with Xander you never know. He and his classmates are off to The Black Country Museum for a school trip today, and he has to go dressed as an authentic Victorian child, he even asked for coal smudges on his face, well you do have to draw the line somewhere, and that was it. Still I hope they all have a good time, it's a great place for a school trip and at least it's close to home.

Tonight is the first of our visits to local colleges and 6th forms, but Neil keeps getting confused and asking me where King Eds is in Stourbridge, which won't help him as he's supposed to be taking Will to the Windsor School in Halesowen. I do hope they end up in the right place. I also hope Will likes it there as I think he'd do better in a 6th form than at college, it's a more structured environment, and I think they're more likely to notice if you're slacking off than at a college, not that I'm suggesting that he would, but this is Will we are talking about. What I really wish is that Summerhill still had a 6th form, I think there's a market for it, especially when they do so well there and so many of their students that go on to further education, but what do I know? I will, before tomorrow night, find out where to go and park for King Eds in Stourbridge, it's the college of choice for most of the pupils at Summerhill and I know many of his friends will be hoping to go there, I don't want Will to be coloured too much by that but I'm not stupid, he's not going to want to go somewhere that none of his friends are going to. Maybe we should look at Ounsdale 6th form as well, it's a bit nearer than Windsor but doesn't sound quite so cool, still what's in a name?

I'm officially employed, sad but true, by Larkshill Engineering, yes that's who Neil works for. As I did some work for them last week, and apparently did it really well (odd but true), Frank has decided I might be useful occasionally in the future, so he's put me on his books. Sounds a little painful but in actual fact it only involved Neil taking in my last P45 today, and I'm getting paid £10 an hour for the work I did last week, how amazing is that I'm a wage earner again, even if it's only a little bit and it's only now and again, it's something. Actually it was really good for my self esteem to actually be paid for using my brain, it was a boost I needed a lot more than I realised. There was a certain amount of banter around the dinner table last night though, involving the question of Neil being the boss of me, which he thought he could take advantage of in a humorous way, but Will advised him not too, as it wouldn't be worth it in the long run. Well you can imagine how that went, but it was all very funny. In actual fact while I was at Larkshill last week, it was funny,  I asked Mike (in the drawing office) to fetch Neil upstairs for me (because I wasn't prepared to use the tannoy system, would you?), and this other man (turned out to be Dick) in the office with him called me a "little minx" which was really funny, mainly because he didn't realise I was Neils wife, and he was apparently quite embarrassed when he did find out. So it's all going to be fun, isn't it?

I'm hoping for a peaceful start to the day today and that the boys don't fall out with each other, or me. I'm really sad to be missing this open evening this evening but I cannot miss another weeks lecture so soon , even if it is important, I will just have to trust my men to do what they need to, by themselves, of course that is all dependant on them turning up to the right establishment.

Thirteen weeks + 2

Well I knew that Xanders dilemma from Friday was going to rear up this morning and bite me, and it has. Down he comes from having a shower and saying that he doesn't want to go to school, because he's got PE today and has to get changed in front of the other kids. So first we had a bit of a falling out, partly because I tried to talk to him about it yesterday and he dismissed it as not a problem, and partly because it's Monday morning and my tact and diplomacy skills are at an all time low. I went away took a few deep breaths and came back again with a calm voice, (actually I could hear Carla whispering in my ear "which one of you is the grown up?") I then pointed out to him, I could write a letter to excuse him from doing PE and Games at school, but as that's almost the only exercise he gets at the moment it would sort of defeat the purpose, he agrees with that. My next suggestion is that I write to his teacher and explain that the kids have been teasing him, about his body, when he gets changed and asking if he can get changed somewhere separate from the others, this idea he liked. None of this solves the actual problem that he could do with a lot more exercise and a little less food in his life, that is something we will have to work on together.

I forgot to mention that Neil broke his car on Saturday, I mean I noticed that he'd gone to work in my car, but I assumed it was for capacity reasons, as he was picking up the pipes and stuff for plumbing the utility. Nope, he drove to the end of the road on Saturday morning and put his window down to clear off the condensation, actually it was a chilly morning and the temperature was (according to his car) only 3 degrees. Now you know what happened next, yes you guessed it his window got stuck down (that's technology for you), so he's driving along thinking to himself that that was a typical thing to happen on the first chilly morning of the year when he went, stuff this I'm going back for Maxines car. Hence I awoke to find his car on the drive, but as I mentioned, this didn't surprise me at all, and I didn't look too closely at his car so didn't notice the lack of glass in the passenger door. None of this caused any real problems over the weekend as we just used my car, he wrapped his empty window in cling film, who knew! The situation was going to be problematic for the week though as some days I can manage without a car, but not when I have to go to Uni, so he discussed taking a couple of days off to fix his car (unheard of for Neil). Turns out he fixed it yesterday, no that's not true, he's fixed it so that it's stuck up now instead of down , so at least he can use the car, and he is still talking about having a couple of days off at the end of the week, and will still have to fix his car window, but all in his own good time.

This week would have been the worst one for a car shortage as it's going to be our busiest one for a while. Today is a quiet day and apart from me going shopping and everyone else being at work or school, it's all very normal, tomorrow it all goes mad. There is an open evening that we want to take Will to but it clashes with my lecture (the one I missed last week to go to a 16+ evening for Will), so I'm going to my lecture and Neil will take Will to the open evening. Then Wednesday evening there is another open evening at the local college (where Will thinks he wants to go) so we are all (except Xander, unless he wants to) going to that one. Then Thursday evening it is Wills parents evening at school,(this event is like speed dating, and quite as painful), but it's an important one this year so we are both going. So by Friday I think Neil is really going to need a couple of days off, don't you?

I'd better get off now, I have sandwiches to make and a teachers note to write, so wish me luck.(for the note, the sandwiches should be OK, though in this house you never know)

Thirteen weeks + 1

OK so there was more than enough food for last night and my major success of the evening, could it have been the smoked ham and brie frittata, or the exotic potatoes wrapped in parma ham? No it was frankies in blankies, yes you heard it right, mini hot dogs wrapped in slices of crustless bread lightly toasted under a grill. It was the easiest and the cheapest of all the dishes I made, I should have known. Next time I do anything like this will someone please tell me not to try too hard, OK I know I won't listen but you could always give it a go. Apart from the food, I think the whole evening was pretty successful, especially at the beginning when everyone was playing on the Xbox Kinect, it still amazes me that you are the controller, and it sure saves on batteries.

So today I have finally turned the central heating on, I've been resisting it but couldn't cope with watching Xander shivering under a blanket on the settee any longer. I guess it's not too bad when it's the middle of October, but I would have liked to have kept it off just a little while longer. Talking of heating and plumbing (I know it's a stretch), Neil is in the middle of plumbing in the utility sink, this involves a lot of copper pipe and apparently my whole kitchen as a work room, still it will be so nice to have the sink plumbed in. Actually it's fast becoming a necessity as I nearly poured an abandoned cup of tea down it in the week, which would have seen me cleaning out my new cupboard pretty fast. It's funny because there hasn't been a sink in there for years and it was never in the position that my new sink is, just goes to show that automatic pilot has a lot to answer to.

Another good thing about having a bit of a do is that I did loads of housework yesterday and, apart from having a huge pile of washing up, I have relatively little that I need to do today, well I do have a huge pile of ironing, but that's not the same as housework, that's laundry, a whole different area, and one where you are never really finished. Mind you I do have to finish my work for Neil at some point today, it has been quite nice using my brain in a constructive way, and in a way that earns me some money, how much is yet to be determined (money not brain use). Anyway I'm going to go and climb under Xanders blanket for a while until the house warms up, before I begin not doing my housework.

Thirteen weeks later

Today I have a very busy day ahead of me, not that the other days in the week have been quiet, I don't seem to know how to do quiet any more. So I have a house to get sort of tidied up and ready, for having a houseful of guests and I have a lot of cooking to do. Mind you a great deal of that cooking can actually be done once they are all here, because lets face it they're not here really to visit me, but here to visit my boys and the Xbox Kinect. You do get used to not being the most interesting thing in the house, but it does take time. So my table will be groaning under the weight of the food I am going to prepare, so I hope there's going to be enough, Neil just laughs when I say things like that, apparently I always cook too much food, well I think it's much better that way, don't you.

Now I have been worrying about something for a while, well it's been a concern and I'm sure there are other parents out there like me doing the same (they'll be worrying about they're own kids not mine though), but now my concerns have grown into something more I feel like it's time to act, but I'm not sure how. It's all about Xander, he's the sensitive one, the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, takes everything so seriously. He's also the one who's built a little on the big size. Basically he's built a lot more like Neil, where as Will is built more like me, no that's not true Will is built like I was at his age, when I said to him "you have my waistline from 1986 and I'd like it back please" you should have seen his face. Any way this is about Xander, I've always worried that the kids would tease him because he's big, but he's also tall for his age, so he's bigger than all of them and it's held them at bay some what until now. Then he came home yesterday in one of his silent really angry moods, and I knew it was something to do with school, so I took him with me to the field (it's a good place to talk). Whilst I was on the phone to Neil, Xander fed Malarky and started skipping out the field, this was a very bad sign, he was so angry he was working. It turns out some girl (you knew it would be a girl) pointed at him during games and said "Xander you have man boobs", and then some other little boy whilst they were getting changed said "Yuk Xander put a T-shirt on that's disgusting" and slapped him on his belly. So I now have a giant 11 year old who never wants to go to school again, or who wants to be thin by the next time he has to go! It does make it worse that Will can stuff his face with cheesy Doritos and doughnuts and never puts on an ounce (to be fair none of really like him for that). I didn't want to put Xander on to a diet at his age, I was going to wait and see what the next growth spurt brought us and make an informed decision about it then. It's not like he's hugely over weight, I'd have done something about that, he's just carrying a little more than he needs right now.

Well if anybody has any suggestions about what I can d to help Xander without making his life completely miserable  please let me know. 

Right now I need to get the cleaning under way so I can find my kitchen, then I can start cooking. Here's hoping today goes really well!

Twelve weeks + 6

Well my day yesterday was incredibly busy, I hardly had time to spin never mind sit down, but being busy is sometimes a good thing, distracts you from things you might otherwise have the time to worry about, so busy is good. Plus actually doing some work for real ,earning a little bit of money, even if it is only a little bit, that will be good for me too. I do have to admit that I don't have a complete understanding of what I am doing for Neils work,  but I seem to understand enough to get it done. I brought all the work home with me so I can continue with it without having to drive all the way in to Birmingham. Funnily Neil didn't take it too well when I said, I'd rather stay at home, not because he wanted me there, far from it, but I think my comment of "Seriously do you know how long it took me to get here!", when it's a trip he makes every day was not very well received. Still he had his revenge when he sent me home at 5 o'clock so I'd have time to cook his dinner. We are a funny pair. We actually had chips from the chip shop and Xander worried me a little by not eating a lot of his, I do hope he's not sickening for something, not with our fun day planned for tomorrow. 

Actually cooking- wise I've done really well this week, Neil and I ate out on Monday, as a reward for me having to have an MRI scan (yes a meal is the standard rate for that), then chips last night, and what about today? Well it's our wedding anniversary and we've been married for 22 years, I find that quite incredible that somebody with my flighty nature can stick at anything for that long, but anyway I'm pretty sure that should be worth another meal out, or at least a take away. Mind you I'll be making up for the lack of cooking this week with all the lovely grub I have planned to make for tomorrow, for which I must remember to shop. Home made mini pizzas, coleslaw and smoked ham and brie frittata to mention a few, I know sounds pretty yummy, lets hope it tastes good too. Laura is bringing Indian snacks (if I remember to remind her) and the boys are really looking forward to it, the adults I'm not so sure about as we are apparently relegated to the caravan (according to Will) if we want any peace at all, as the boys are taking over the house (well the downstairs at least), I think it's safe to say that we may need wine to help us get through this traumatic event.

Back to today, well I have to finish this pretty quick as I have work to do (for real money), how cool is that? Then I'm off to Summerhill this afternoon I think for my favourite lesson, the double year 10 group. There are some real characters in that group and some of them are so keen on History that it's almost embarrassing. Then I have to do Malarky, take Ned to the woods and shop for the food for tomorrow, is it my imagination or aren't there actually enough hours in a day to do all those things? Anyway I should really go now and let the fun begin.

Twelve weeks + 5

I have the most amazing kids, they both say and do incredible things at times, and make me want to murder them at others, but yesterday was definitely Xanders day. He came with me to the field to do Malarky and then stropped off when I asked him to push the wheel barrow, well we are all quite used to Xanders stropping now so I gave him a sharp reply, and sent him to the car. Then he came back and said "why do we keep doing this?", so I asked him to explain and he said, "you shouting at me because I've behaved stupidly, and act like I don't care about anyone but myself. I don't like you being angry with me". So I asked him if it was me at fault or him or both of us, and he said the fault was all his, he didn't know why he said and did those things but it was all his fault. "why don't you just put me on a ban?" he said so I laughed and told him that it worked well with Will but it never seemed to affect him he'd just take himself off to bed. "I tell you what" he said "How about I try and change my ways by Sunday and if I haven't managed it you can put me on a permanent ban, apart from using the computer to do my homework". Well I just laughed, and took him up on his offer, like I said he's pretty amazing. Not many 11 year olds do their own parenting for you, and in front of you.

I also behaved incredibly badly yesterday whilst on the phone to Student Finance England, I mean it all started off well enough, whilst I was inputting numbers and pass codes and things into the phone, it was only when an actual person came on the line that the whole thing went rapidly downhill. Now to give you an idea of how efficient Student Finance England is I do have to tell you that the rumour is that part of the interview process for employees included a question about organisational skill and their ability to possibly organise a piss up in a brewery, you can imagine which ones actually got through that process, can't you. So I asked about my student loan, and he could tell me nothing, I asked if he could put me through to someone that could, but no, I asked if I could speak to the "manual assessment department" (sound a little painful to me), which is where my application is, but no I couldn't. I even asked to speak to his manager, but no that was not possible. So I lost my cool and said that I'd never heard anyone have anything good to say about Student Finance England and that they were right they were all a bunch of tossers. I then gently replaced my receiver. It wasn't big or funny but it sure felt great! To be fair I keep telling everyone I don't possess even the most basic skills when it comes to being tactful, so they shouldn't really let me use the phone at all should they. 

So to today, well it's Summerhill for me this morning and you know how much I love that, I just need to decide what to wear. It isn't normally an issue I have school clothes; smart trousers and a couple of blouses. Specifically bought for wearing to school, I know a little sad, but that's me, I thought that if I dressed like I thought a teacher should I'd feel more at home. Trouble is I bought myself a pair of boots yesterday, the perfect sort for wearing with leggings and am tempted to let the real Maxine go to school instead of the school teacher one, wouldn't I feel more relaxed in my normal persona. Plus Will said they were cool boots and told me I was under no circumstances allowed to wear them to school, which makes it doubly tempting. Now my day just filled up completely as Neil has rung and asked if I'd go into work and help them out with something, that's real work for real money, way hey! I'd better get a wriggle on then hadn't I.

Twelve weeks + 4

So Neil and I spent about 2 hours last night first listening to a talk about what Will needs to do  about applying to colleges etc, then wandering around a little exhibition of those said colleges having a chat. I'm really glad that I went because the options he has are amazing, just within the borough. We came home with lots of information and decided to sit down with him straight away and chat. Now Will is a laid back kind of soul and doesn't rush anything. He thought he could just apply to one college (the one his mates are planning to apply to) and either get in or not. He hadn't thought of a back up plan, and certainly didn't think he could apply to more than one. So next week is going to be a little busy, we have two open evenings Tuesday and Wednesday, one at a Sixth Form (trust me that took some persuading) and one at the college that he thinks he wants to go to. Then on Thursday we actually have his parents evening, although that all seems the wrong way round to me and that we should have started with the parents evening, then at least we'd have known more about how they expect him to do in his exams. After all that he may have to start applying really soon as some of the application in dates are the beginning of December, oh well it keeps us on our toes. As we said to him last night this is all new to us too, so we're finding our way through the process with him, trying to work with want he wants and not dictate what we want, pretty diplomatic for me don't you think.

You know I was starting to panic about having an essay to start work on, and I dreamt it had to be handed in next week which just added to my panic, well I'm an idiot I checked the module guide yesterday and my first essay isn't due until Nov 15th, so I can at least postpone my freaking out for the immediate future. I had a really good meeting with my lecturer too, well actually she's my tutor for the History in the Community module (Summerhill) and my tutor for my Independent Study (dissertation) so we killed two birds with one stone and sorted out what I need to do for both of them. So at least for the immediate future I'm feeling quite positive, which is a rarity for me. She asked me how I was, as she's one of the few lecturers who knows  some of my medical history, and I always feel uncomfortable answering the question. Do I just lie and say fine, do I tell her about the operations in July as she wouldn't know about those, I mean I am at the moment sporting a huge bruise on my hand from the cannula they inserted on Monday to deliver the contrast dye so it's there on my mind, and the evidence on my body. So I gave her a brief run down of the situation, and said I was trying really hard to put all the health stuff out of my mind and concentrate on my Uni work. It meant we could just do the same with the conversation, but it still made me feel uncomfortable.

So to today, well I've got Uni at lunchtime and a date after with Malarky. I am still really enjoying the time I get to spend at the field with him, even if it's not always as long as I like. He looks so happy just munching away at his food and the grass it's so very peaceful, and good for my soul I guess. How deep and meaningful I am today. I have to remember to book Neils car in for an MOT, I was supposed to do it last week and forgot, I also need to ring the stupid Student Finance people to find out where the heck my money is, but that's another battle, that all students out there will be familiar with. Then I have to get back to planning Saturday, what started off as a family visit from Laura and her two foreign students has turned into a full blown boys event. Laura is bringing her two boys, Nathan (visiting especially from Uni) and Brendan, and the two students who are lodging with her, Riccardo and Theo (Italian and Belgium, and probably not spelt right). Then Will said he was bringing over a couple of his mates too, so now I think I'm going to have a house full of boys I really need to plan what to feed them, and if, as Will says, they are going to be gaming (XBox & Kinect in the living room) I think buffet food they can eat on the run would be the best idea, with an International flavour in honour of our foreign guests. I love planning a feast, I usually start planning Christmas Dinner in October I am that sad!

I'm off now to water my orchid, as it's Wednesday.

Twelve weeks + 3

Well I had my first, and hopefully my last, MRI scan yesterday, I can't tell you the results as I'll have to wait until  my next consultants appointment for them, but I can tell you it wasn't a pleasant experience. I've had CT scans before and then you lie on a bed in a giant polo type thing while it takes pictures of your insides. In an MRI you are inside a giant tube, only it doesn't feel that giant while you are in there, I mean I'm not claustrophobic but I'm sure it's something I could develop if I put my mind to it. To be fair, it's not dark in there and it appears to be air conditioned so the atmosphere isn't unpleasant, and they do give you earphones down which they play music of your choice as a distraction from the strange noises the machine makes. That was the question that threw me, I mean I was expecting all the metal related questions, "have you ever had a metal splinter in your eye?", or "have you ever had metal plates inserted in your person?", but "what music do you like?" wasn't one I'd researched an answer for and I was completely stumped, albeit temporarily, I then blurted out Michael Buble (with an accent, no not an accent like French I mean over the "e", I don't know how to add one). So I had my MRI whilst listening to Michael Buble, occasionally interrupted by the technician asking me to hold my breath, sometimes in, sometimes out. Well I'm just glad that it's all over, I'm also glad that Neil came from work early to sit with me while I waited, as I was oddly really scared. Then he took me out to dinner, apparently the standard payment for someone who's had an MRI scan, so I won't totally complain.

Well my day today is going to be full and interesting, I've already written my shopping list, and put a load of washing into the machine so that's a good start (yes I remembered to turn it on). I have to go shopping this morning, so I can be back in time to go to Uni this afternoon (between 1 and 2 o'clock, vague I know), for a tutorial with one of my lecturers, this is for the History in the Community module, the one I'm volunteering at Summerhill for. They don't just leave you to it, they do make you check in occasionally with them to make sure you doing it the right way, well I guess that's why, I'll find out later. I've still got to pick an essay question and get some books out of the library, but that can all be done whilst I'm there. Then on my way home I will go and do Malarky, he'll be surprised to see me for a proper visit as usually Tuesday is a bit of a drive by, as I'm on my way to a lecture. Then when the boys get home we'll take Ned to the woods for a really good run, I think I'll mke them both come with me, as the fresh air will do them good. I'm actually missing my lecture this evening for Will, well he didn't ask me to but there is a 16+ evening for the parents of year 11s at Summerhill this evening, telling us about the opportunities for them once they've finished school. My Uni lectures are important, but some things are more important, and Wills future is one of them, and it matters to me that he knows that. Doing my degree has been an amazing experience, but I'm not willing to sacrifice everything to get there, as that would be selfish, rather than productive. Does that make sense?

Right now I have to go and make bacon sandwiches for breakfast, this is not a treat, but a necessity, as my boys used up all the milk last night making milkshakes. So it's bacon sandwiches or nothing, it is possible it was a tactic to make sure they got bacon sandwiches, we'll soon find out, depending on if they try it again. I may start keeping long life milk in the cupboard just in case, that will fool them!

Twelve weeks + 2

So I broke all of my own records and woke up at 3 o'clock this morning, I decided to try and do puzzles to fall asleep, but Herbie had other ideas. Herbie is my ginger cat, he came to us from the RSPCA, about 7 years ago now, and Neil says he is evil. I don't agree with that I think it's more of a bi-polar disorder, he is all fine and loving and rubbing round your legs, so you stroke him, then he hisses and tries to take your hand off. He's had Neil on the face before, and he doesn't hold his punches. So imagine how unnerving it is for that cat to be all loving and affectionate and trying to curl up round your face at 3 in the morning, it's like trying to sleep with a wriggly grenade, you keep very still. I did at least manage to go back to sleep, not sure what Neil would think though as I had a pen in one hand and the puzzle book in the other when I woke up, still he's probably used to the weird stuff by now.

Right so this afternoon I am going for an MRI scan, I'm not sure what it is going to be like but I am feeling really nervous, probably explaining the reason for my early rising this morning, I do have to admit I am stressing just a little. I mainly wish that I wasn't going on my own, no that's not true I wish Neil was coming with me, but I seem to have so many stupid hospital appointments and he is so busy at work that I don't like to ask. Still I am a little scared, so maybe I should ring him and ask if there's a chance he could come, of course then he'll be cross I never mentioned it before, which of course is silly of me. Oh well I'll let you know tomorrow how it all goes.

Hey I have a sink in my utility, this time the right way up inset into the breakfast bar. Way hey! I hear you all say, now this is moving along with some speed. Well no it isn't, yesterday it all went wrong, we have square clips to attach the sink to the breakfast bar, and the sink has round holes. Story of my life really trying to put a square peg into a round hole. So Neil had to stop what he was doing and drove to B&Q, they were thoroughly unhelpful and told him he needed to contact the manufacturer of the sink to get replacement clips. Well he won't be they only one, Neil went and looked at all the other sinks that they had, different designs and brands and they all had packets in with square clips and the sinks have round holes, oops. Still it looks in, and it looks nice, and he's moved the tumble drier and some other stuff back into the utility so at least I have a bit more of my kitchen back. I know you are probably wondering why I still have the tumble drier when it tried to actually set my clothes alight, well it does heat them through, as long as you don't leave them in too long, so it sort of works, we just don't put it on for long, and we never leave the house if it is. I will be getting a new one at some point, but the utility has already cost quite a bit, so I think I'll have to manage for the time being.

Today I need to decide which question I'm going to do for my first essay on the American Civil War, then I can pick up some books from the library tomorrow and actually start work on it. Of course this is a very good plan, and it will remain to be seen if that is how this first essay works out, calmly planned and executed, or I could put off doing it and rush to get it done at the last minute. These things (plans) are very flexible. 

I'm going to chill out for a few hours now, until I have to get ready to go to the hospital. Here's hoping we all have a peaceful start to our weeks.

Twelve weeks + 1

Apparently I'm allowed a lie in on a Sunday, and didn't wake up until 5.30, trouble is Neil doesn't have to get up on a Sunday so I had to make my own cup of coffee. Still it is nice and peaceful in my house when nobody else is up, so maybe I should just enjoy the time to myself and possibly go back to bed when everyone else actually gets up. Oh, you will be glad to hear that Xanders hand is much improved, he was still carrying it round like it belonged to somebody else but the swelling has gone down a lot and he can move his fingers just a little bit more. It was a relief because I've already done 2 trips to A&E with Xander and really didn't fancy a third. The first one was when he was 4 and Will side swiped him in a tackle in the garden and he tore a ligament in his knee, so that was an interesting time for us. The second was when he swallowed a 5p and said it was stuck in his throat, trust me it's not really little kids that swallow things, he was about 6 at the time! Still it's good to know he's on the mend.

I am now the proud owner of a cupboard, well a base unit and a piece of breakfast bar, in my utility. I could tell you there's a sink in there as well, because there is, but at the moment it's just placed upside down on top of the cupboard, still it's a very impressive start, for just one afternoons work. I painted the walls, well 2 of them then went out and left Neil to do the construction. I'm hoping he actually gets to cut the hole for the sink today so I can see what it will really look like. Is it so sad to be excited about getting a sink in my utility, actually getting a utility that looks like a utility rather than a reject bathroom. I guess not.

Here's an odd one for you, who has a firework display at 3 o'clock in the afternoon in October? No really, Will and I were at my field yesterday, just skipping out and chatting (Will says I chat too much and don't skip out fast enough), when I saw what looked like a fire at the cricket club. The farm where I keep Malarky is right next door to Himley Cricket Club. Anyway then I realised it was actually a firework, well I wondered if it was kids messing about, but no, we were treated to several others, including some with quite loud bangs. I can tell you that horses watch fireworks, some of them just eat their food and ignore them (Malarky), others charge around their fields as if their tails are on fire, but some just watch. Still I don't see the logic in fireworks at that time of day, OK yesterday was dull, but you wouldn't be able to see them properly! Of course we are heading into firework season, and I'm sure that they won't be the last, just hopefully the last in the daylight.

I am now starting to feel a little nervous about my MRI scan tomorrow, I've never had one before, and they have to inject some sort of contrast dye into me first, I'm used to CT scans of my intestines, then you have to drink lots of stuff that tastes horrid, so I'm hoping this is easier. I do have a slight fear, silly I know, but 2 out of the 3 times that I've been for a CT scan I've been rushed in for major surgery afterwards, so note to self, wear nice knickers tomorrow, just in case.

Well it's now 7.30 and if this were anybody normal they wouldn't even be awake on a Sunday morning, never mind having been up for 2 hours. So I'm going to start rattling around in the kitchen, see if I can't wake somebody else up, just to keep me company.

Twelve weeks later

I seem to be waking up at 4.30 more mornings than not at the moment, so I guess it's no longer an oddity but actually my normal time to wake, it doesn't really cause too much of a problem , apart from the fact that I fall asleep on the settee in the evening, whilst my kids are still up! So what does a person do at 4.30 in the morning, well I can't speak for everyone else, but me I do puzzles, or read until 5.30 when Neils alarm goes off, then I get him to make me a cup of coffee, I'm not completely stupid. Then I wait until he's gone to work to get up and come downstairs, at this point it's after 6.30 so another cup of coffee and some breakfast and I'm ready to write my blog, which sometimes takes longer than you think. By the time you've thrown in feeding the cats, putting on a load of washing and having another cup of coffee, it's easily time to get the boys up and start the day for real, except not today, I don't think they'd appreciate me waking them up at 7.30 on a Saturday morning, do you?

I'm not that sure that I'm looking forward to Xander waking up this morning, as we had a bit of a thing with him yesterday, not a falling out thing, but an injury thing. He came home from school holding his arm in a strange position and saying that he'd hurt his hand, he'd banged it on a metal fence. He allowed me to examine him and yes his hand was swollen, and looked bruised already, but it didn't explain why he was holding it as if his wrist was broken. I decided, despite the fact that he couldn't move some of his fingers because of the pain, it was probably just bruised and needed an ice pack (this is where things started to go wrong). He got upset and said he wouldn't be able to do anything, not even watch TV, (wait for it) because it was the hand he holds the controller in. Then he started wailing that he wouldn't be able to eat anything, again because it was his right hand, and he couldn't eat with his left. This went on, and on for a while, Will got fed up and said his hand was no worse than his was when he was stung by a bee (he gets his tact and diplomacy skills from me), I tried to persuade Xander that his hand wasn't broken, and that I'd cook him something he could eat with his fingers, and we settled him in front of the TV (on, and on his channel), then Neil and I went to B&Q (I will return to this later). We got back to find out I'd missed a call from my Dad, so I returned it, to be told by Jill that Xander had informed them, he couldn't use his arm at all, because it was so badly injured, it was obviously a serious spreading injury. Will told Xander he was being babyish (he was having to do Xanders chores), and us that we were pandering to him, Xander told Will he was an idiot, and Neil sort of agreed with him, and Will stormed off upstairs in a huff (typical mealtime). Eventually everyone sat down to dinner, but in a really bad mood. I promised Xander that Will would write his maths homework as long as he did the sums, and that I would type up his literacy homework on the computer and let the school know on Monday, and it would all be OK. I had decided not being able to do his homework was his biggest concern, I was wrong, he was most concerned at not being able to use the mouse so he couldn't go on the computer. At this point I asked Neil if we could take Xander to the local A&E department, but Neil thought it was pointless as neither of us really thought it was broken, so I said, "no I don't want to go with him, can't we just take him there and leave him for them to deal with", I'd had enough I'm afraid. Anyway, I told Xander that his hand would probably be loads better this morning, I really hope it is, otherwise I am going to have to take him to the A&E department just to make sure, and grovel a lot if it is really broken!(which I'm sure it's not)

So back to the B&Q story.

I have, in my car, a sink and all it's attachments, a base unit with some doors, a piece of breakfast bar and some fixings. Oh and some paint! It seems really possible that I could soon have a sink in my utility, we won't be able to use it as there's no plumbing for it yet, but lets gloss over those minor details. I wanted a sink in the utility and I very nearly have one. The utility project is far from completion, but I am happy to say it is at least on the downhill stretch, it has at times been painful (choosing the breakfast bar was one of those times), but will be well worth it in the end. Now I'm going to go back to looking at caravans for sale on the internet (housework avoidance) until I have the energy to actually fetch some of the stuff out of my car, which may help to speed up the process.

Eleven weeks + 6

Well I finally slept like a dead person, yesterday was a very long and busy day. By the time we'd been to Summerhill for their open evening and got ourselves settled back at home it was nearly 10 o'clock so we chilled about for a bit and eventually went to bed. I slept all the way through, and snoozed both my 7 and 7.45 alarms to finally get up at 8. I shuffled downstairs like a zombie to be greeted by "Mom what have you done?" from Xander (my hair looks really scary). The reply of "I slept" seemed enough for him, he's an easy boy at heart, thank goodness, Will would have wanted a far more detailed response and I hadn't had the caffeine in-take for that. I am leaving Will in bed until 10, unless he wakes up earlier, as before he went to school and helped with the open evening, he came to the woods with Ned and me, so I'm guessing he's pretty done in too. It's a good job it's Fun Time Friday, the most "fun" part of which is the fact it's Saturday tomorrow.

Xander went and hit me with one of those last minute "need for school tomorrow" requests that drive me nuts, and make me feel like a bad Mom all at the same time. So it was 9.30 last night and he says that it's the Harvest Festival at school tomorrow (today) and he needs to take something in. Well firstly I question the word "need", but at that moment I wasn't in the mood to argue, Neil asked what sort of something to which Xander suggested he popped out and picked up a bottle of wine, I couldn't see Neils face, but I'm pretty sure I can imagine his expression. So I went into Super-Mom mode, I don't do it very often as it's tiring. I got a small card board box and screwed up newspaper in the bottom then I covered that with a layer of tissue paper and went to the tin cupboard, the box now has a selection of tins and looks really quite attractive, more importantly I have a very happy son, who maybe won't fall out with me for another 24 hrs. I will take whatever I can get.

Today I have to go to Summerhill this afternoon, for double year 10 history, they are doing the troubles in Northern Ireland and are finding it hard to understand the depth of feelings that the Catholics and Protestants had for each other. These are kids who didn't even understand discrimination, and certainly don't get how historical victories can be turned into marches, used to stick fingers up at the other side. So it's been hard going, but very interesting watching Miss Wilson try to give them an understanding of the history of Ireland to give them a base for what happened later on. Until I go in to school I have the morning to myself, so I may bake a cake, I thought it would be a nice thing to do, and yes it's a way of avoiding doing any housework, you got me. Actually I have this huge mountain of ironing to do, an unwelcome side effect of doing all that washing. I hate ironing, but like so many other things I've noticed that it doesn't do itself, and I don't have ironing fairies, I wonder if you can get them from Amazon, you can get pretty much everything else!

It is possible that Neil and I will be adventuring to B&Q this evening, if you remember from a few weeks ago late Friday afternoon is a good time to go, whether it is "Fun" or not remains to be seen. We are going to buy paint for definite, and maybe a sink and some breakfast bar, how exciting is that. I'm stupid and suggested he should put the pipework in before he put the sink in, apparently that is stupid because it's much harder to match a sink to the pipes than the pipes to the sink. I knew that really! To be fair most of us don't spend our time thinking about the logistics of plumbing in a sink, well I know I don't, my forte is instant Harvest Festival hampers and complete chaos, and that takes up most of my time trust me!

Eleven weeks + 5

I thought that I should confess - I cheat at crosswords, I mean not by looking up the answers in the back of puzzle books, that would be too easy no, if I can't finish a crossword properly I will just put any old word in that happens to fit the letters, just so the crossword looks finished. I'm not sure what this says about me, but I was doing crosswords this morning at 4.30 (yes I was awake again at a stupid time) when it occurred to me that not only do I cheat that way, I do it without thinking. Maybe I should stick to cross references, when putting in words that just fit, is the aim of the puzzle. Wow I feel so much better for getting that off my chest!

Oh I fell up the stairs last night, no that's not true, my slippers made a blatant attempt on my life. I was on my way to bed, when I put a foot on the next step (not a very well placed foot), and I slipped out of my slipper (I guess that's the reason for the name) and fell and landed quite awkwardly onto my right hand, hurting my wrist. Luckily for me my wrist seems all right this morning although there is a lump and a bruise it all seems to be working OK. I commented to Neil on the safety issues regarding wearing slippers and decided that if you live in a bungalow flippy floppy ones are OK but people with stairs should have more secure footwear for in the house, when he mentioned his dressing gown. The boys bought it for him for Christmas, it's a Jedi robe, you know like Obi Wan wears, brown, long and with the emblem and everything. Again it's a stair issue, it's so long that he kept tripping up when he came up the stairs so he tends not to wear it. So my concern is why do all these seemingly harmless, relaxing around the house items of clothing and footwear, actually appear to be part of a master plan to kill us, or make us all live in bungalows?

So this evening we are off to Summerhill for their open evening, I know I go there quite enough at the moment, but this is different. It's an open evening for prospective year 7s for next year, Xander of course is one of these. I'm quite excited really, which is a bit silly, going to see the school properly again, even though I go twice a week, I'm quite confined to Miss Wilsons classroom so it will be nice to have a thorough look at the place. Will will be working this evening as well, as a senior student I'm assuming he has herding duties, and may be there until 10 tonight. Still he doesn't have to go in until 10.45 on Friday. So my plan for the day is Summerhill this morning, then home for lunch, off to do Malarky, then back to pick up Will and Ned and go to the woods. Back to cook the tea and make sure the boys have showers (they might as well both be looking their best), then back to Summerhill for the evening, and at some point picking up Will. OK even for me that seems like a slightly busy day, I wonder where it will go wrong? That's not me being pessimistic, you know how things spin out of control so easily in my day, I'm just being prepared.

I'd better get ahead of myself now then, hadn't I.