Nineteen weeks + 3

Sorry no blog for now, blogging will resume when lurgy goes away.

Nineteen weeks + 2

OK there was no blog yesterday as I was away overnight and didn't get back until the afternoon, and today, trust me it's going to be short. As I have the lurgy (I don't know how you spell that). I felt a bit rough on Saturday but didn't take too much notice and had a really nice time at Pam and Sharons party on Saturday night (I know I had a really good time as I don't really remember the end of it). But as yesterday wore on I became iller and iller, I don't know if it's just a bad cold or what but I'm shivery and cold when everyone else is warm and I ache everywhere, sounds pretty bad and feels pretty bad too. I was supposed to go in to Larkshill today to do some work, but I can hardly cope with up and down the stairs, so after this I am having a bath and going back to bed, as it seems the best place for me (once I've found some paracetamol that is).

There is some humour in this as Will asked yesterday at dinner (yes I cooked but it wasn't very exciting), what was wrong with me, and as I reckoned I had a cold I said as much. Then the classic ignorant response "so were you standing about in the cold a lot at the party?" it's a bit worrying as Will wants to do A level biology, still. I informed him that you don't get a cold from being cold, you catch it from somebody else who has one. "OK, so they were out in the cold too much", to be fair I was feeling pretty rough and now he was making my head spin. "No, you can only catch a cold from somebody else that has one." Of course the moment you think these things are sorted it means you have missed out a vital factor, in this case Xander, who piped up "so how did the first person to get a cold get one?". I give in completely, I am defeated.

Now I'm going back to bed and taking my lurgy with me, I'm pretty sure it isn't the kind of thing that transmits down the internet, but just don't get too close to the screen just in case.

Nineteen weeks later

I'm finding it hard to believe that's it's only 4 weeks until Christmas, yesterday it was a month away and that seemed a lot better. I do have some assignments to do before then which are occupying my mind a lot at the moment so who knows what everyone will end up with for their actual presents. Mind you if my kids keep buying games I'll have nothing left to buy them anyway, Xander persuaded Neil to take him to Merry Hill last night where he exchanged 4 games he doesn't play any more for one ( for £40) that he really wanted, Will thought it was a really good idea and came downstairs with a selection of 6 games that he didn't play any more and looked them up on the internet to see what they were worth, it turned out only £20, so I'm not sure what that says about Wills taste in games. A couple of them were only worth £1.20, and Neil said "keep the game I'll give you the money" as it just seemed too sad. Still when Xander got back from Merry Hill Neil said he was as happy as a dog with 2 tails, so that gives you some idea of how good his new game is, just don't ask me what it's called as I've lost track of who has what in this house, I can't even work an XBox controller so I stay well away from it all.

Neil says I have to tell you about something funny that Xander said last night at dinner, I think because it might be embarrassing for me he thinks I wouldn't put it in here, how wrong is he? Anyway we were eating dinner and Neil commented on my blouse, saying he hadn't seen it before, after my reply of "I've had it ages" and the usual isn't that a standard wife lie when a top is really new kind of humour from Neil, so I said "I don't wear it very often as I have to be in the right mood", which to me seemed a perfectly sensible comment to make about an item of clothing. Then Xander said "exactly what kind of mood is that?" which according to Neil was hilarious, then he and Will went on to tell me that my blouse looked like camouflage netting, well whatever mood I have to be in to wear it, it's not ever going to happen again. I asked why on earth nobody had told me that before I spent the afternoon at school in it, to which, of course, Neil repeated his comment that he'd never seen it before otherwise he would have. Great so now my taste in clothes is the butt of all of their jokes, is there nothing of mine that's safe?

How is my day going to pan out, well I have a lot to do, including going to Malarky and taking Ned to the woods, all this morning as I'm supposed to be off to my Moms for a party this afternoon. Right now all I really want to do is go back to bed, as I feel like I'm coming down with a cold, and am not going to be very good company. Mind you if all the men in the house are going to pick on me, I may as well get away from them for a while and leave them to their boy things. I guess I just have to hope that 24 hours isn't long enough for them to install a pool table, a bar and a pizza oven. 

Eighteen weeks + 6

So another week draws to a close, do I have anything insightful to say about that, no, except it's going too fast. I'm not sure if it's an age thing, or an I have assignments due in in a couple of weeks, maybe it's that Christmas is lurking just around the corner, or I'm simply just hurtling towards my 42nd birthday (the week before Christmas). All I do know it that it only seems like yesterday that it was last week, and I don't know where all of this week went to. I always seem to have so much to do, complain that I never get any of it done, and yet I am tired because I've been busy all day, something just isn't right. Well I have 3 weeks to do my assignments, and 4 to get everything sorted for Christmas. I also have 2 weeks to do Wills first application for a Sixth form, and I really should complete my application to do a PGCE course ASAP. Maybe my problem is all of the deadlines, if I didn't have them would the time move more slowly, well I'm guessing that is something I won't find out for some time.

So on to today, it is Fun Time Friday again and the fun part of my day is bound to be my afternoon at Summerhill with the year 10's, they really are a smashing group. I made the comment to Miss Wilson last week that I am getting quite attached to them, I wonder if that's a normal thing for a teacher. Anyway this morning my idea of fun is having my wall cavities insulated. I know, I'm a thrill a minute kind of a gal! It is one of those government funded schemes but the fund is coming to an end so they are trying to get as many people to do it before it ends as possible, mainly by offering a huge discount, in our case they are charging us £50, which isn't too bad at all. We opted not to have the loft done at this time, purely because it would take too long to shift all the crap we've got up there, I'm assuming that hundreds of old computer components (yes my loft is full of those) must have some insulating properties at least. Apart from that I have the morning free (albeit trapped in my house waiting for the insulating people) I could start one of my assignments, that would be productive, or do some housework, which would be a good idea as I have house guests this weekend and won't be here for part of it. Trouble is neither of those things are really in keeping with the Fun Time Friday theme. I know I'll trawl the internet all morning looking for suitable Christmas presents for everyone and buying nothing, now that sound like a lot more fun.

I do have to get the place a little bit straight though, as my Step Dad (Keith) is staying on Saturday night, and then my Dad is coming up and staying on Sunday night, and I am away myself for some of the weekend, so it does seem like a good idea to do a little bit of housework. My Dad is coming up to deliver Christmas presents as he and my Step Mom are going away for Christmas and have to be ahead of the game. That would be OK if either of them were one of the two people that we've actually got all done for Christmas, but they're not, so they will have to make do with 1/2 a present each and get the rest when they come back off their hols. We have arranged this week for all of Neils family to come on Boxing Day this year, it's something that we've never done before so that will either be a really good day, or simply stressful, who knows, but they do say you should try new things. This also means that I'll be spending most of Christmas Day and Boxing Day preparing food, but that should be fun. Oh I've just thought I could start planning that too, now that could be a fun way to spend my morning.

Right what I need now is lots of coffee and some breakfast, that will at least set me up for the day, whatever I end up doing.

Eighteen weeks + 5

I know that sleeping through the night and waking up at 5 o'clock may not be everyones idea of a good nights sleep, but believe me, it will have to do. I am so fed up of not getting a good nights sleep that a vaguely good one will fit the bill very nicely thank you. Neil has gone back to work today so at least my days can return to somewhere near normal, I do like having him here but I don't get anything done at all when he's around, except some Christmas shopping, at least we have made a bit of a dent in that. Which isn't too bad when you think that we still have a month left, I will probably do most of the rest of it on the internet, I know it's lazy but it does save having to deal with the crowds.

Today I have Summerhill this morning, I always enjoy my mornings there and spend my week looking forward to it, I must not though neglect my studies as without them my application to do a PGCE will be worthless. I still have to write my personal statement, and I really do not know where to start. I could say I'll knuckle down and do it this weekend but I've managed to fill up my weekend with a trip to my Moms to go to a party, whilst my Step Dad comes here and goes to a beer festival with Neil. I'm not quite sure how we've managed it, but it should be a nice weekend for all of us. Will is probably babysitting both Friday and Saturday night, so when I get home on Sunday he's going to want to be taken to Merry Hill to spend his earnings, so that will be pretty much the whole weekend with no time for my statement at all. I must get it done though as it's the last part of my application. I like the fact that Will gets to earn a little money for himself but I do wish he'd stop buying things off his Christmas wish list with it, as it's getting smaller by the week.

Oh Neils car business did not go too well at all yesterday, and he was a very grumpy bunny indeed. What he will do now, I'm not sure but he was looking at cars on the internet last night so that may give you a clue. I think he deserves a new car, but as he can't find anything that he really likes I'm guessing that the process is going to be a lot more painful than I think (especially for me). I was the opposite, I knew exactly what car I wanted I just had to wait for one to come up at the right price. Then again I don't mind so much about, 0-60 and fuel economy, otherwise my slow diesel guzzling tank wouldn't be on the drive. I did have an entertaining moment though yesterday when Neil proved to me yet again that he's left and right dyslexic, if you can be such a thing. We were winding our way through the streets of Sedgley trying to go and pick up his car from a garage in Bilston, when he said "should I go right here", and I of course said "yes", at which point he indicated and turned left, leaving me looking at him very strangely and him stuck in a line of traffic. When I commented on it, he replied "you told me to come this way". Well there are only so many times a person can blink before pointing out the inaccuracies of that statement. Then he came back with a "you know I always mix them up, you knew what I meant really". Again with the blinking, what am I supposed to do with that I wonder. I will put it down as one of his cute idiosyncrasies, and leave it at that. 

So I don't have to take Ned to the woods today as we went yesterday, that leaves my afternoon free apart from doing Malarky, so that will be an afternoon spent catching up on all the housework I haven't done because Neil kept taking me shopping (I know I'm such a moan merchant). Right time for breakfast I think, with just a hint of caffeine on the side.

Eighteen weeks + 4

Well hands up if you've been awake half the night, it would be nice to know I wasn't awake all by myself, I'm beginning to think there should be a club, for people who can't sleep or who can't go back to sleep, we could tell tales, regale stories (I know the same thing) and tell each other the stupid things we do to try to go back to sleep. I do not count sheep, in my opinion my imaginary sheep are too unruly and whenever I have tried to count them jumping over a fence they go in groups which just winds me up and certainly doesn't send me to sleep. I can't think of dull boring things, I'm at Uni my life is full of busy interesting things that my brain won't ignore, plus it's the run up to Christmas if you think I can empty my head of that one, well lets just say that I can't. So I do puzzles, crosswords, word searches, kriss cross, Sodoku I'm really not fussy and it usually works, even if Neil does find me in the morning asleep clutching a pen. Last night, however, it just didn't work at all, I guess there was just one thing too many running around in my head (probably with all of those stupid sheep).

Well what did the doctor say, the good news is that I'm not Coeliac, which is what I said yesterday, the bad news is of course that we still don't know what it is. So my doctors next step is to consult the stoma nurses and ask what his next step should be. OK I can cope with that, it's nice to know that he's not afraid to ask for help, or not nice to know that I've got him a little bit stumped. He's not sure if I need to go back and see my consultant or if they should send me to a dietician, well I know where I'd rather go, but again we will have to wait and see.

So what of today, well Neil is taking his car to be diagnosed (see we're all at it) as it doesn't seem to be running right (I'm thinking it's part of the reason he wants to get rid of it), he says having looked at what else is available for the money he has to spend he'd rather just keep his car, if he can get it running right. If not I have no idea what kind of car he is going to look at as he's ruled out all of the obvious ones. I'm off to Uni for my normal Wednesday treat and I'll do Malarky on the way home, so that means, yes you've guessed it "no Christmas Shopping". Thank goodness because I'm all out of shopping goodwill now and think I'll do the rest on the internet. I do find people, especially a lot of them in a shop, really quite annoying. Shopping on the internet avoids all that, and the weather, and having to carry lots of bags, and having to eat out (which is the only saving grace to going Christmas shopping that I can find).

So I am going to go and get some breakfast for myself and at least one more cup of coffee, and see what else Wednesday has to offer.

Eighteen weeks + 3

Well today I go back to the doctors, I will tell him that the Fybogel made no difference whatsoever and he can tell me it isn't because I'm Coeliac and we can move on to a more sensible suggestion. Do you like the way I've got that all sorted in my head, I really shouldn't organise the doctors that way, but I'm not in the mood for anything else today. Mainly because Cyril has once again been doing his best impression of a baby and getting me up several times in the night. I can't see that it can be anything other than food related, but again we will have to see, you never know what doctors will do next. After the doctors Neil and I (because we are completely nuts) are continuing our Christmas shopping, this time at Merry Hill.

We did quite well yesterday (that's a lie we bought one bag full of stuff), and at least thought we could add to that by making a trip to Merry Hill (known as Merry Hell, by anyone with half a brain). At least there I know where all of the shops are, and it's all undercover. As yesterday we got soaking wet, went round and round in circles unable to find a shop we wanted, and then the ultimate stupid thing. I looked on the internet on my phone for the Wetherspoons in Worcester as I couldn't remember where one was, and we made a mad dash in the pouring rain to get to it, only to find there had been one just opposite where we had been originally sheltering, OK I guess life's like that.

So it is going to be a bit full on today: Doctors, Merry Hill, Home, Ned to the woods,  Malarky and finally Uni. Yes I am going to be tired tonight! I'm actually rapidly coming to the conclusion that having Neil at home is going to mean that I need a holiday, a really long quiet one, with no shops at all. Right now before all the madness begins what I need to do is myself another cup of coffee.

Eighteen weeks + 2

Well Cyril has been at it again and I've been up 4 times in the night, he's worse than a baby. It's made for a grumpy Maxine and one that doesn't really want to go out today, but as we know I'm against being controlled by him so I will go to Worcester shopping, whether I want to or not. I really do hope the doctor can be more helpful tomorrow, or I'm just going to put myself on an exclusion diet and eat nothing but rice and water for weeks on end, just to settle everything down. Luckily for me Neil is is here and has got the boys up and ready for school, not that they don't do everything for themselves, Xander was even up at just after 6, I know I met him on the landing. I sometimes think they don't really need me that much at all, then I look at the washing machine and realise that yes they probably do. Plus we know how badly they eat when I'm not around, so at least I'm good for something.

So we are shopping in Worcester today, we haven't done that for over 10 years, what with Merry Hill being 10 minutes away, why would you? It should be a fun day (we'll ignore Cyril) as long as we don't kill each other before we even get out of the house, which believe me is always an option. You can't be a woman living with 3 boys (yes I have included Neil in that count) and there not be some friction from time to time, like the idea of getting rid of the dining room table and replacing it with a pool table, or that we should have Indian food for Christmas dinner, I just have to stand my ground and hope for some sense of sanity to return. The plan for the day is to get to Worcester at about 10:30 giving us a couple of hours shopping before and after lunch, then home again before it's dark so that I can get up to the field and do Malarky. Mind you there is something very Christmassy about shopping in the dark, still that will have to wait for another day, as I am pretty sure we won't get it all done today.

That is pretty much my whole day, I don't think I've got time for food shopping today, so that will have to wait until tomorrow, and of course tomorrow I do have the doctors. It's going to be an interesting couple of days I should think. Mind you first I have to survive the having Neil at home, or is it the other way around?

Eighteen weeks + 1

Well it's a pretty grey Sunday morning and I am once again having to deal with a sit in by Denny (cat), who thinks that sticking his claws into my arm in a rhythmical fashion is a friendly thing to do, and will get him what he wants. I beg to differ, plus it's making my typing very wonky indeed. Well I managed to get the house pretty straight yesterday before Neils parents came, so that was good, plus I did this huge pile of ironing that was growing in the dining room, so I have absolutely nothing to do today, who am I kidding, I can always find housework to do. I cooked a huge chicken dinner as well, of which there are quite a few leftovers, so that's me sorted for the whole day, plus not only did the addition of curry sauce to the roast chicken dinner not phase Neils Mom at all, she had only it and no gravy and said it was a nice change (she may have been just being nice, but still).

Today, well apart form having no housework to do, we do have a trip to the field in store. I have a large metal bin which is at the moment down the side of the house that I want moving to the field to put bags of feed in, mainly because the bin I've got there isn't tall enough for the task really. Anyway that is going to take a certain amount of man power, and protection (gloves for me because of spiders etc) and it's something that we can't do yet as it's too early to be banging around outside. I have to make Xander bacon (and possibly cheese) sandwiches today as we didn't have them yesterday, and trust me he will not have forgotten that. So apart from that I think it will be a pottering about kind of a day for us.

Neil has the next three days off from work, so apart from when I have to go to Uni it means we will have a nice time together, or we will row a lot and I'll be glad to get away, you never know how these things will go. I know he wants to go Christmas shopping in Worcester on Monday but what he has planned for the rest of the time I do not know, maybe he'll try and finish off the utility, boxing all the pipes in. Maybe not, we will have to wait and see. He is at this very minute writing a presents list for us to take with us on Monday, as he doesn't like to wing these sort of things, he likes to plan. Which is why it's weird he doesn't know what he wants to do on the other days he has off. Oh well I'm not going to worry about it, he's gone to make me another cup of coffee, so for now at least he's being useful.

Eighteen weeks later

So, it's Saturday morning and I could have been in bed having a nice lie in, am I? No. For some reason I am up and wide awake and it's only just 7 o'clock. I'm not complaining too much, I have been sleeping slightly better this last week, so I guess I can put up with it. I really enjoyed my afternoon at Summerhill, and yes it was a bit strange to see all the kids in normal clothes, but a lot more colourful than when they are in uniform. I was a bit late leaving as Miss Wilson wanted to ask my advice about re-wording the question she is going to set the year 10s for their GSCE coursework. I took that as a huge compliment, she also said the year 10s see me as another teacher in the class not just a helper, she said you can tell by the way they ask me to help them, again another compliment. I was so pleased with myself I skipped down the pathway outside the school. Then proceeded to get told off by Will, as apparently it's not something that Mothers are supposed to do, not on school premises and certainly not with their children near by. So I stuck my tongue out at him, which I'm sure is something else I'm not supposed to do. I suggested that if he didn't want to be embarrassed by me, he could always walk home. So that put a stop to that nonsense. 

Oh Miss Wilson has also agreed to be my referee for the PGCE as well so that's another step closer, in what really seems like a far too complicated process. On top of everything else I have to write a personal statement about why I want to become a teacher, it could make the difference between getting on a course or not. I don't think that "I know it's the right thing to do" mixed in with a bit of "I must be completely nuts" is really going to do the trick for me, so this may take longer than I thought. Plus I am only applying to one University as the others are really a bit too far away, again limiting my prospects, but what else can I do? I can't do my PGCE at Wolverhampton because you have to do a course specific one, and they do not do History there, so Worcester is my closest, and trust me, that's not close. Still after all the problems I've had just trying to get my degree finished, I think a little bit of travelling should seem simple.

So what does my day have in store for me, well Neils Mom and Dad are coming to visit: so I'll be mainly tidying the place up then. It's not that my house is a mess, but it is lived in, sometimes it seems by a lot more than 4 people. I have Malarky and Ned to deal with and I have to buy a chicken. I know that seems a silly addition but I didn't think I could get a chicken with my shopping that would last until Saturday night (my shopping comes on Monday) so I intended to buy a chicken for dinner tonight sometime later in the week. I know that chicken is boring but cooking a roast chicken dinner is the easiest thing, as Neils Mom won't eat any other kind of meat, and Neils Dad, like mine, is a Coeliac. Still I will keep it simple by doing a medley of roasted root vegetables, oh and Xander says I have to make my curry sauce to have as an alternative to gravy. I have the feeling that's going to end up on the Christmas dinner list if I'm not careful.

OK I'm off now in search of coffee and something to eat, mmm I wonder if I can have mince pies for breakfast? 

Seventeen weeks + 6

I'm having trouble writing this this morning as Denny (one of my cats) seems to be having some kind sit in protest (on my lap) which is making it quite hard to type. He also likes to roll around and pretend to fall off, so that means I have to rescue him from time to time, I'm not quite sure what the protest is about, could be food and conditions, more likely it's a sixth sense (that cats have) that I want to get up and get myself another cup of coffee. You learn these things, cats get on you when you want to get up, and your kids only want to speak to you when you are on the phone. It's a life lesson kind of a thing, for people without cats and children, well that's OK they get to move around when they want and have uninterrupted phone conversations, I have no clue what that is like. So how am I this morning, well I completely fell out with Cyril last night, who started misbehaving just around dinner time and didn't stop until about 10 o'clock, the only comfort is at least I was home, but I'm getting really fed up with it now. The Fybogel stuff isn't doing a thing, even though I'm taking 2 sachets a day, so I do hope the doctor has some better ideas when I go back to him next Tuesday. Lets hope Cyril is all misbehaved out so at least I can go to Summerhill this afternoon without worrying about it.

I had a great morning at Summerhill yesterday, I love being at the school, mind you I have to remember to ask Miss Wilson if she'll be my PGCE referee as apparently I need one. I had to log onto a web site yesterday to try and apply to get onto the course, it's pretty complicated, and I'm quite smart, so I'm guessing it's a way of weeding out people without even trying. It kept asking me if I had any convictions, I mean it asked three or four times, I was beginning to develop a paranoia, especially when every time I clicked no, it logged me out and I had to log in again. Still I can cope with awkward software, after all I fixed the internet yesterday, so there's pretty much nothing I can't do today. OK I can't get out of my chair at the moment but that's another matter entirely. 

I must take Ned to the woods today, as he was supposed to go yesterday and I ran out of daylight. That's the problem with this time of year, I love it in the summer we can go to the woods after dinner, it's a nice way to spend the evening, now the days are so short I'm having to cram in things like Ned and Malarky into a much shorter time frame, still it won't be that long before they start getting longer again, so that will be better (I know it's a month away, I'm being optimistic). My boys have both gone to school in civvies today, as it's a MUFTI day, does anyone actually know what that word means, we didn't use it when I was at school we just called them non-uniform days. Anyway it's to raise money for Children in Need, well that's a couple of quid I've already donated. I suggested that Will wear a smart T-shirt, he's gone to school in a space invader one, I give up with that kid I really do, if that's his idea of smart he's a lost cause. He looks so much older not in his uniform, still I'm guessing it's going to be a little odd with all of them in their own clothes this afternoon, that's a new one for me to deal with.

Well I have a morning to myself so I'm going to chill out a bit and have maybe some more coffee (if Denny ever gets off), I may even do some housework, but as it's Fun Time Friday maybe not.

Seventeen weeks + 5

I nearly didn't have a blog this morning, I got up to find Xander on the computer watching a movie, well that's odd for him (the movie, not being up), when he announced that the internet wasn't working. Now that made more sense, so I kicked him of the PC and had a quick look (I attempted to open Google) sure enough the internet wasn't there, so I restarted the computer (I'm not married to a tech geek for nothing), hmm, no that made no difference what so ever. OK I said to Xander "I'm running a diagnostic on the network", "Wow Mom that's the most computery thing I think you've ever done". We'll ignore the lack of real words involved in the sentence and I will also point out it was an option I discovered when I accidentally clicked a button on the right hand side of the screen. After much deliberation the computer told me that the internet wasn't working, well Xander told me that 1/2 hour earlier, but we won't go into that, so I did the only really technical thing available to me at that time in the morning, (no I didn't ring Neil, which I have been known to do before, as the internet not working isn't apparently an emergency, just shows what he knows!) I turned everything off at the socket and waited for a bit, then turned everything back on again, I know the scale of my genius has no limits. So internet fixed I can get down to writing my daily blog.

Yesterday my brother came for a visit, I bet you didn't even know I had one, well I do his name is Elliot, and he'd be 3rd in line to the throne, if there were such a thing in my family, and you have to feel sorry for him growing up with three sisters, especially when one of them was me. He rang whilst I was at the field, and said "where are you?", and got slightly confused when I said I was up the field with the boys, he was sitting outside my house having dropped someone off in Wolverhampton he thought he'd pop in. Well it's typical really because I'm in far more than I'm out and I rarely take both of the boys with me, so that was a skilled piece of timing on his part. He stopped for a couple of hours, chatting until Neil came home then went on his merry way with a promise of a return visit for an evening soon. He's recently split up from his girlfriend and is trying to rebuild his life, so it was nice to chat to him and see how he is doing. 

So what of me today, well I have Summerhill this morning, with Miss Wilson back this week, I may find out what was really thought about me teaching that lesson last week, because despite the fact that I enjoyed it, I probably shouldn't have done it really. Still it's done now, I can't take it back. I love my time at Summerhill but I really should remember it is actually a module as well, I have a log that I keep forgetting to write up. I have written it down, all on pages of my puzzle books in the bedroom, so it's just a matter of finding them, and typing it up on the computer. I know that's a little bit mad, but I'd hate to forget what I did each week, and if it comes to mind at 4 o'clock in the morning in the middle of a cross word, who am I to argue. I also have another piece of work to do on it, though it's a self evaluation, so I'm thinking I just say I was amazing and hope for top marks (I'm kidding), I have no clue what that is all about, I'll let you know after I've seen my tutor in the next couple of weeks.

Anyway I had better go and get ready, another cup of coffee first though I think, don't you?

Seventeen weeks + 4

Well our house was all full of the talk of Christmas presents last night, it's making me feel a little Christmassy I must say, but what's even weirder is Neil says he feels a little like that too, this is a new one for me, as Neil and Christmas don't normally get it together until after his works do. I should explain - He works in a contract tool room, where they have a lot of jobs with a monthly deadline, which means in December it can be a real pressure environment to get everything out, basically with a weeks less time to do it in. Then they all go for a real blow out, I mean it's normally on the 23rd December and they start at lunchtime, with a 3 course meal and all the beer etc paid for. Needless to say we normally end up with a very drunk Neil by early evening, who sleeps through most of the night and then goes Christmas shopping on the 24th, finally in some kind of Christmas spirit, or sometimes just full of them. Over the years (as he's been working at Larkshill since before the boys were born), we have had the odd adventure, my least favourite was finding him on the back door step with hypothermia (he'd been there for over 2 hours in below freezing temperatures), the funniest had to be when he caught the train and missed his stop and then got off at Bromsgrove, so I had a drunk husband in a town I didn't know before we had mobile phones, it's a wonder I ever got this far actually still with him intact. 

Any way back to the Christmas presents, well Xander has written his list, he gave it to me last night, it's small, no not in length, it's on a post it note, so I will lose that if I'm not careful. Will has gone completely the other way and messaged me his on Facebook, I'm not sure which is more scary, or funnier. Neil mentioned my presents and Will said "a puppy", which Neil put a stop to straight away, everyone knows I want another dog before Ned is too old and grumpy (he's only 2 so we have a while yet), but Neil is adamant that one dog is enough. Anyway Xander actually has asked for a giant bar of chocolate, which says a lot about him, but Will has a top hat and cane on his list, so I'm not sure at all what to say about that. I do love Christmas, I love all the preparation and the cooking and the giving, plus all the drinking, it's the only time of year we drink port, which is silly as we both really like it. Also my birthday is only the week before so it's the only time of year I have to look forward to. I'll be 42 this year which on one hand seems really old, especially when I think about the incident in Bromsgrove with Neil which was before the boys, when we lived in Kiddy, but on the other hand I have so much left to do, 42 doesn't seem that old at all. I have to finish my degree, then I'll do my PGCE, I'll be 43 before I actually become a teacher, something I'm so looking forward to that it doesn't really seem to matter.

On to today, well I have Uni at lunchtime, which always fills my day up, when it shouldn't really, and of course I'll go and see Malarky on the way back. Then I'll pop to cooltrader with Xander, as I didn't get chance to do it yesterday. So not too much, wrapped up with a little bit of housework, sounds like an OK day to me. Maybe I should actually write my Christmas list too, I can put a puppy on it, it doesn't mean I'll get one, but there's no harm in trying, is there? 

Seventeen weeks + 3

Well yesterday was long and mostly satisfying, I handed in my completed essay at Uni, then drove into Birmingham, avoiding ambulances and crazy people on duel carriageways, to do a 5 hour stint at Larkshill. Then home again via Malarky just in time to have 1/2 hour before I had to cook the tea. Then deal with the shopping delivered by ADSA and to walk the dog. All in all quite a busy day, even if I do say so myself. Today I am chilling out for a while, but don't let that fool you, I have to take Ned to the woods, and pick some horse feed on the way back. I really need to pop to cooltrader to stock up my little freezer (which is back in it's dishwasher slot) as there are no chips in my house any more. Then apart from Malarky and Uni I guess I only have housework to do. I know I've said it before, but I really do think my life is just a little too exciting.

I decided on Sunday night to tell Neil to forget about buying a caravan for a while, as I really think he should think about changing his car. He's had it for a few years now, and I'm sure he could do with a change, plus he's been driving me nuts looking at caravans on ebay, I could really do with a break from it. Now of course he's driving me nuts looking at cars on ebay, so I'm not sure that I've actually improved my situation at all. But it seems like a sensible decision, as if we bought a caravan now it would only be sitting on the drive doing nothing until at least Easter next year. I do enjoy caravanning, and I love going to the site in Aberystwyth, but I can live without owning a caravan for a while, whereas I figure, he's the wage earner, he deserves to at least have the opportunity to enjoy his endless trips in and out of Birmingham every day, which a new car will give him the opportunity for, if only for a while.

As for my health, well I've been taking those stupid cack Fybogel drinks for a week now, and as they have had no effect whatsoever, I've now got to increase it to 2 a day, aren't I a lucky girl. Thing is I do get quite a bit of fibre in my diet anyway, so I'm erring on the side of some sort of food intolerance or something like that that's actually causing my problems. I'm hoping that after another week of this, my doctor will refer me to a dietician, or at least do something else. With me I think it's worrying that now I don't eat, or I eat very little if I know I'm going to be out for a while, which is like Cyril being in control, and that I don't enjoy at all, plus it's definitely not doing my digestive system any good. After going through everything, it would be stupid to flounder at this late stage because there's something I eat that's upsetting my stomach. 

You will be glad to hear that nobody got trapped in their room last night, in fact it was an almost uneventful evening, just the sort we like. Oh Neil is booking off Monday and Tuesday next week so that we can go Christmas shopping together, isn't that a nice idea? Apparently he wants to go to Worcester, well we haven't been shopping there for years, so my first job is to find out if there's a Wetherspoons there, that just might be a deal breaker for Neil. Right now I'm going in search of some breakfast, before I have my delicious Fybogel drink, yuk!

Seventeen weeks + 2

OK my first assignment of my third year is all done and printed and just waiting for me to hand it in, I don't know whether it's any good or not, I never do, but I've proof read it and at least it doesn't seem to be complete waffle. There is nothing more that I can do so I will just hand it in and hope for the best. I am going in to Larkshill to work this morning so will be dropping my essay off on the way in (not that it's on the way). I asked Neil what was the best way to get to Birmingham from Wolverhampton, and he said well if you were anyone else I'd suggest the M6 but seeing as it's you I'd use the Birmingham New Road. He knows me I have an almost irrational fear of motorways, well that's not true, I think it's perfectly rational, and I like motorways when they are empty, but since when does the M6 ever manage that. Actually it stems from a pile up that Neil and I were involved in about 10 years ago, we weren't hit but we were a little bit too close to the action, so no, I've seen what a jack knifing lorry can do to stationary lines of traffic, so no I don't like motorways. It's one of the reasons I like to go to the caravan site in Aberystwyth, as there are no motorways to get there (actually there is a short bit on the M54, but I ignore that part).

Anyway, yesterday was fun, Neil took me to the new Tesco Extra at Burnt Tree Island (not that it's an island any more), we just went out of curiosity, well I won't be going back any time too soon, it's laid out all oddly and it just didn't feel right.  The Tesco is impressive but there are these travelator things from the car park to the store, and if you start with a hand basket and decide you need a trolley, you have to go all the way back down to get one. I much prefer the ASDA Wall Mart at Great Bridge. OK this is a slightly sad conversation, but that's what we did yesterday.

We had a real adventure last night, Xander had gone to bed and it was about 9:30 Will had just had a shower when he came downstairs to say that Xander was stuck in his bedroom (only in this house), Basically the handle on his door had broken in a way that meant no matter how much you turned it the catch wouldn't open. It does have to be mentioned that Will knew that Xander was stuck when he went for a shower but made the decision to wait until after it to let us know (there is Will logic in there somewhere but I have no clue). By the time we got upstairs Xander was quite distressed which upset me. Any way the first thing you have to understand is that solid wood doors don't kick in as easily as the doors do on TV, and Neil is a big strong bloke but no amount of shoving and kicking was going to budge this door. I then pointed out the screwdriver and hammer on the landing windowsill to see if this sped the process up any. So Neil started removing the actual door handle and then chiselling away at the wood to get to the catch inside the door. Will kept getting in his light, I kept getting upset and telling Xander to move away from the door, in hindsight it was quite funny. Will offered to climb out onto the extension from our room to Xanders to join him in his room, which I pointed out meant 2 trapped sons not 1. But eventually Neil saved the day and Xander was rescued, very much to my relief. I now need new doors upstairs, as you can't just change one, and I think nice lightweight kick-able in doors would be a good idea. Although you do have to wonder about the chances of that actually happening again, then you remember it's us and think it's perfectly possible.

So I'm hoping today will be quieter, but with it being us, you just never know.

Seventeen weeks + 1

It seems a bit ridiculous to be up so early on a Sunday morning, but Neil got up and went to work, taking Xander with him and I just sort of am awake, so I might as well be up. It will be really peaceful for the next couple of hours as I won't be seeing Will any time soon, either, as he was out babysitting till after 12, mind you I also know he was on Facebook at least till 2 in the morning, still he's earned his stripes this week. He's had a couple of exams, and a whole days babysitting to contend with, at some point you have to allow them the freedom to stay up as late as they want, it's part of growing up. Plus he's done so well this week he's been moved out of the extra English revision set into the Focus one, I should explain. Because they have an extra time table slot for a business language that they no longer do, all the year 11 pupils have a couple of free lessons a week, anyone with problems with their maths gets an extra maths lesson, any one with problems with their English gets an extra English lesson, if you have no problems at all you go into the focus one, which is basically free periods when you can do your homework and things. What the kids do who have problems with both maths and English I'm not sure. Anyway Will has worked really hard on his English this year, it's always been his weakest subject, worryingly so for us, any way he's done so well he's been moved out into the focus group. Of course he has pointed out that if he's made a mess of his recent exams (2 of them were English), they will pop him right back in there in January. Still we're really pleased, and it must be a nice feeling for him too.

Enough about Will, how about my essay, well I sort of finished it yesterday, I mean I need to proof read it and change things about a bit, but basically it's all done, so I can hand it in tomorrow on my way into work, Yes I'm back at Larkshill again this week, helping out. Neil quite likes it as I paid for our hotel room with my first bit of wages, and took him out to dinner with my second, I've told him it empowers me to have some wages of my own to spend, he says that's fine as long as I keep spending them on him. Ha Ha very funny. It's a good job I have finished my essay as I have the hugest pile of ironing to do, I'm thinking that I've got more washing done this week with having a new tumble drier that works, it's the only explanation as the pile of ironing is ridiculously huge. I probably have quite a bit of other housework to catch up on as well as I sort of downed tools to concentrate on my essay. 

I've promised the workers (that will be Xander and Neil) sausage sandwiches for lunch, it seemed a nice thing to do, after all it's a bit much having to go to work on a Sunday, but then that's how busy they are at the moment, and as I keep saying "busy is good". I'm going to cook a mini Sunday dinner today and I have to order my shopping (ASDA on-line), well if I'm going to be at work I'll need to, plus it's an easy way to keep an eye on what you are spending, but the substitutions are a pain, you always know it will be that one special thing that you were really looking forward to that they didn't have in stock. Any way, I can get it delivered for just £3 if I pick the right time slot, and I'm pretty sure it costs me more than that in fuel to actually go to the shop. I could also tell you that it stops you impulse buying, but I'm starting to sound like an advert for the shop now. So on-line shopping first I think (not that I'm putting off the ironing, but I am).

Seventeen weeks later

It is a beautiful looking morning this morning, making a really nice change from the last two wet and murky ones that we've had. Lets hope it's a signal to us having a really nice weekend. Will has already started his as he's babysitting for the whole day, started at 7:45 this morning, which trust me is amazing as he rarely sees the am side of the day on a Saturday. Pretty sure he's going to be really tired tonight, mind you me too, as I had to be up to make sure that he was, and I'd had one of those awake from 3 till 5:30 kind of nights so the last thing I really wanted to do was to be up at 7:30 this morning myself. Still I'm thinking that if we need to both Will and I can have a kip somewhere in the middle of the day. Once I've done some more work on my essay that is, it's coming along now, at about 1200 words it's half done, and I have plenty more to put in it. It does help that it's an interesting subject, funny though when one of the kids in the year 10 lesson yesterday asked what my essay was on, and I said, President Lincoln and when and why he issued the Emancipation Proclamation, you've never seen a kid go so quiet so fast.

I've got all day today and tomorrow to work on it if I want, and I can finish it off on Monday so I'm not feeling the pressure, no really I'm not kidding, I'm so sure I can do this. It's funny because it was teaching the lesson on Thursday that did it, I am so sure that I am supposed to become a teacher, therefore my essay will be fine, how's that for Maxine logic for you. I've just decided that Neil is going to kill me though when he gets home, as I put hand cream on before I started typing this up and now the keys all look a little white, oops. Still it makes a change from the phone ringing which is what normally happens the moment I've put some on my hands. It's special cream called udder cream, not actually intended for hands (but for horses udders), it was recommended to me by the cancer nurses as the chemo made my hands really red and sore, it's great stuff and I recommend it to all the people I can, plus it's way cheaper than expensive hand cream, even if it is green, it works wonders.

Still enough of my advertising, I have a full weekend of essay writing to get to, not forgetting all the normal things like cooking and washing, somebody still has to do those things to. Mind you I haven't had breakfast yet, or my second cup of coffee so I know what my next task is going to be, well it will be after I've worked out how to get all the udder cream off the keyboard!

Sixteen weeks + 6

I had absolutely the best day yesterday, no I didn't finish my essay, and right now that doesn't matter I will do it and it will be fine. It's kind of sad really but I got to teach my first lesson, accidentally, so I'm thinking it was better (for me) than knowing I was going to do it. I know you are asking yourselves "how do you accidentally teach a lesson?", "did I trip into it or something?", well no, what you do is arrange to go to Summerhill even though you know Miss Wilson is away for the morning, she arranged for me to still go and help out the cover teachers. Something that was good for me to experience, and good for them as I just might be a help, more so than I probably do with Miss Wilson. Then you get the first cover teacher not to turn up, and the TA (that's Teaching Assistant, if you didn't know) knows that Miss Wilson writes the instructions for the cover teachers on a pad, and then you start the lesson off, because that's the right thing to do, then before you know it, you've taught the whole thing. It was absolutely brilliant, I know I'm a little sad, but this is the whole purpose of the degree, and now I know I really can do it, I got such a buzz, luckily for me, and probably the next two classes their cover teacher did turn up. Will asked who it was and I described her as a very attractive smartly dressed lady with long dark hair and a French accent. Only to be informed by Will that she was Russian, well I'm a history student not a linguist what do I know.

The rest of my day was filled up by lunch, going to the field and taking Ned to the woods. By that time the boys were back from school, Xander tried to sneak through the house and make me jump, it seems to be one of his main goals at the moment, sneaking up on me. It's an odd phase to be going through, but so far I've managed to detect him every time, still I'm sure he'll get me one day soon. Then as a treat for Neil I took him to the Wall Heath Tavern for dinner, he again had the beef and ale pie with battered chips, he keeps saying he'll try something different but he never does. I had a nice juicy rare steak, which was rarer one end, still I know it's hard to get that right, I don't have steak very often but every now and then my carnivorous side rears it's ugly head. I do like my meat, it really surprised everyone when I became a vegetarian for 18 months. Still that was a long time ago, Will tried it earlier in the year, he is funny about meat, won't eat lamb or duck on moral grounds (not sure about the morality of eating duck, but still), so he tried to be a vegetarian, he lasted a week and a half, until the first time we went to McDonalds. I was quite glad as a tin of hot-dogs (his food of choice) is 50p the vegetarian substitutes were £2, so I could see his vegetarianism bankrupting me.

Anyway so , yesterday was a good day, today I am going to knuckle down and get on with this essay, I have all morning to go at it, then after lunch I'm off to Summerhill again. Miss Wilson is again away today, but I'm sure I'll be of some help to the cover teacher today, as it's the year 10 lesson and they are studying Northern Ireland. Will says the kids all love a cover teacher as you mess around and don't do anything, I'm not sure that Miss Wilson would find that acceptable, it's interesting seeing it all from both sides of the line. That cack Fybogel stuff hasn't had any effect yet, so I'm guessing I'll be onto two a day for the second week, mind you it has only been two days, I'm just not very patient am I. Right I'm off for coffee number 2 and to find out where my kids have got to.

Sixteen weeks + 5

To continue the theme from yesterday, yes those Fybogel drinks taste like cack, still they aren't big when they're mixed up so I just necked it down as quick as I could, the faces I pulled had Xander a little concerned, but apart from that it went OK. Although I still don't think I can do that for the foreseeable future, so I hope there is another answer, I also can't tell you if they've worked yet, as I'm guessing I need to give it more than one dose to see. I managed to get to the hospital for my blood test yesterday , so the doctor can rule out the Coeliac thing, the nurse couldn't get any blood out of my right arm, typical me I have awkward veins, though she asked if I'd been leaning to one side a lot, now that's what the world needs, phlebotamists with a sense of humour, she also complained that I didn't scream, as that tends to clear the waiting line of people. So it was quite an amusing trip altogether.

Now to my essay, well I've woken up with a headache after a night full of nasty dreams, not scary ones, just not nice. I'm guessing that whether I like it or not I am stressing about the essay after all. Neil has managed to put his parents off from visiting though, so at least I don't have that to contend with this weekend, leaving me free to concentrate on my work. Not that it should take all weekend, it's already over 600 words long (it needs to be 2500) and once it starts flowing it usually doesn't take too long. My trouble is all the stop starting, I stop to go to Uni, I stop to walk the dog, go to Malarky, cook the tea, do the washing up, and so on. It just makes it harder to really get the work out and on to the paper, once it's all out then I can start the proof reading and adjusting (this was majorly lacking in some of my essays from last year, so I've learnt my lesson). I am at Summerhill this morning, without Miss Wilson, so that will be interesting, but at least I should be able to get some done this afternoon, after I've had some lunch, oh yes that's something else I have to stop for.

I do need to take Ned to the woods this afternoon, but if I do a quick trip to Malarky I should be able to just fit one in. I'm afraid I feel like I'm neglecting everyone at the moment as my head is all about Abraham Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation, still it will be all over soon, until the next time. I have to remember that I went to Uni for a reason, so as long as everyone focuses on that, and not the fact that the dinners have been a bit naff this week, we'll all be OK in the end. I am going to go now, I haven't even had a single cup of coffee yet, and I know my kids are still asleep, when they really should be getting ready for school, see nothing really changes that much.

Sixteen weeks + 4

Well another broken nights sleep, I'm guessing the essay, or rather lack of it is worrying me. It shouldn't be, I have plenty of time to write it, it's better that it's more accurately researched rather than Maxine waffle. Do I sound convinced? 

Well on a good news point after seeing the doctor yesterday, who promised to get hold of a copy of my MRI and blood test results, I came home to find a letter from my consultant. Not only was he telling me that my MRI results were fine, but wishing me well with my studies (maybe he'd heard about my lack of essay writing). So that was really good news, the actual visit to the doctor has left me a little more unsure. On the plus side, as he put it, he could rule out some of the more serious causes of my kind of problems, he meant bowel cancer, that was almost funny. Then he also said having had CT scans etc certain other conditions could also be ruled out as they'd have been picked up already as well, well I'm glad we've done the spade work for him. He is sending me for another blood test though, this time not the cancer one, but the Coeliac one. I may have mentioned that my Dad (and Neils) is a Coeliac that means he's alergic to gluten which is found in flour, it means he eats a lot of potatoes (it's far more complicated than that, but you get the gist). Anyway I was tested for it about 12 years ago, along with Neil and Will (with 2 granddads it seemed a good idea, as it can be hereditary), so we were all clear which was good. The doctor pointed out, however, that a trauma, or stress (not that I've experienced any of those lately), can activate it when it was dormant, so he'd like me to get tested again, just to rule it out. The other thing he did was to prescribe this stuff, which I thought he called fibre gel, but turned out to be Fybogel, one sachet a day for a week then two a day if that doesn't help, and back to see him in two weeks time.

Now it's a curious thing (I know this isn't a good over the breakfast kind of conversation, but it is odd) but the things they tell you to eat to make you less constipated are also the things they tell you to eat to make you more constipated - fibre. So Fybogel is a gentle way to relieve constipation, I just have a problem with that being able to help me at all, plus I'm betting they taste like cack (I know it isn't a real work but it's the one that wanted to come out), and the doctor made it sound like if they worked I could just take them forever more, well no thanks, if they work and the Coeliac test comes back negative, I'm just going to eat all-bran all day long, as oddly, I like the taste of that!Still I'm getting ahead of myself, they may taste nice, I don't know yet, there was no way I could face one before I'd had a cup of coffee (or 2).

So I really must knuckle down and put some words on the page of my essay, trouble is I've been reading Abraham Lincolns biography and it's really interesting and I keep forgetting I'm supposed to be making notes to write an essay and simply enjoying the book. Oh well I'll know too much about Lincoln and ruin the essay completely is the only real downside to that. On the plus side I've been recommending it to everyone I know as a good read, which I know isn't much of an upside. I will write something today, but I do have Uni and Malarky and Ned too, and at some point I need to go and take my blood test. I could do with a couple of extra hours in the day today, although I'm pretty sure I say that about most days.

Right I'm off for another cup of coffee, and my delicious Fybogel mmmmm, lucky me.

Sixteen weeks + 3

You know how sometimes you don't realise how stressed you are until the thing that you didn't realise was actually stressing you out goes away? Is that nonsense, you know you don't realise how noisy something is whilst it's being noisy but when it stops? OK I'm not making myself very clear this morning, I got a letter from the hospital yesterday saying my next appointment with my consultant was next October, that's almost 12 months away. So I used logic (I know it's one of my lessons not to do that but it seemed safe this time), to determine that my MRI scan and my blood test must have been clear otherwise they'd have wanted to see me a hell of a lot sooner than that. Now I do have a doctors appointment this morning, to discuss Cyrils bad behaviour, so I will ask my doctor (not that it is actually my doctor, I've only ever seen her once) to see if they have a copy of my test results, because I'd really like a medical person to stand (or sit) in front of me and say, it's OK you are actually cancer free, because so far nobody has. It doesn't seem like a big ask, and as I said I gather from the lack of an urgent appointment with my consultant that I probably am, but still it would be nice. Anyway that explains the first sentence, I was so relieved when I got the letter, but I hadn't realised how worried I was about the possibility of the cancer being back. 

I didn't get very far with my essay yesterday, I did jot down a couple of pages of notes, and it has a title and the beginnings of a bibliography so I guess it's a start. I'm finding it really hard to get my head into the essay zone, I wonder if the doctor has pills for that too? I'm not sure exactly what I expect the doctor to do, whether he will just give me pills to help deal with Cyril or send me to a nutritionist to deal with the source of the problem, or maybe a mixture of the two. We will have to wait and see, my appointment is at 9:35 so at least it shouldn't take up too much of my morning,  mind you this is the doctors so you never really know do you. I really do need to get some more of my essay down on paper, it's supposed to be 2500 words long and is due in next Monday, so far my word count is up to about 60, so I have a little bit of work to do. Still Monday seems a long way away right now, so I'm not going to start panicking, it's the worse thing you can do when you have an essay, well it is for me, I start waffling incoherently, which is great for the word count, but not for the grade.

I do have to take Ned to the woods today, he could do with a good run, and I could do with some fresh air. I know I go to the field to see Malarky and get fresh air then, but the situation there is now a bit stressful, as the woman who wanted to move fields was a bit harassing yesterday, but Dave (who owns the place) has told me not to worry, but to stay put and he will deal with her. Still it's not a nice feeling thinking that I've upset somebody, even if it's not my fault. Neil says I'm just too nice and really should have said no to moving fields in the first place, but like I said I was trying to be nice. So my day today will be a bit in and out, ending with Uni this evening, we are finishing off the American Civil War today, so I'm guessing there must be a lot of stuff that went on afterwards as the module goes on until Christmas. 

I'm off to get myself another cup of coffee now and see if it wakes my brain up at all, as I really could do with it in residence today.

Sixteen weeks + 2

It's always a good sign when I'm a little late with my blog, as it usually means that I had a reasonable nights sleep, which I did, despite waking at about 4 ish I managed to drift back off to sleep again, of course I also slept through until about 8 o'clock, which is far too late. Like a lot of people I use my mobile phone for everything, including a date reminder and an alarm clock, and all this works really well until you go to bed and leave your mobile phone zipped up in your handbag in the hall. Oh well at least I managed to get everyone out in time for school, and I have an essay to get a handle on today. I don't know whether I'm needed at Larkshill Engineering or not, they are going to ring me if they do, so until then I should knuckle down and try to at least start this stupid essay. I'm sorry but the character assassinations on the pieces of work that I have to do are only going to get worse as this semester progresses, so you may as well get used to them.

You will be pleased to hear that Xander slept in his own bed last night, which may have had some influence on my nights sleep. I've told him he can sleep with the light on, not a night light, but the main light in his room, I know it's not ideal and not something I would normally encourage, but I get my bed back, so for the time being it will do. I'm pretty sure it will work it's way out of his system eventually, and in the meantime there are energy bulbs in his light so it's not too bad. As for the rest of yesterday, well Neil has plumbed the radiator back into the utility, you see just because I got my sink, it doesn't mean that the project is over, no far from it. Neil is going to box all of the pipes in and I have to tile around the sink. Oh and there is supposed to be a wall cupboard going up as well. These things all take time, and a little bit of money. Talking of money I think I've won the, "lets not buy a caravan now and skint ourselves out", competition mainly by letting him work it out for himself. Plus we went and started our Christmas shopping yesterday, well we bought one present, but we've sorted out what we want to buy for a couple of other people as well, so that's well on the way to being sorted.

I didn't move Malarky to another field yesterday, partly because the other people didn't turn up, which does make it tricky, and partly because Neil has now said that he doesn't want me to. So I'm guessing I now have an awkward conversation to have with the lady who wanted to swap with me, although I'm just going to put all the blame onto Neil and leave it at that. I've made a sad decision, I'm giving up drinking cider, it was a very hard one to make, as I love my cider I really do. Before you wonder I'm not talking 2L plastic bottles of cider, I have far more taste than that. Nor do I mean Magners or the other trendy ciders that they pour over ice, ice, it makes me cry just thinking about it. No I like real cider, normally it comes in 500ml bottles and costs an arm and a leg, although I will drink cans if it's Scrumpy Jack, but no longer as, and it's silly that I didn't work this out earlier, I think it's partly, not totally, to blame for some of the problems that I have with Cyril. I worked it out because when we went out last weekend to the birthday party I couldn't drink cider as there wasn't any decent ones there so I drank wine, and whisky and a lot of it, and Cyril behaved impeccably. Now during the week I had a couple of glasses of cider (yes they were big) and off he goes like I've eaten a vindaloo or something. So no more cider for me, for the foreseeable future. It's not too bad, Neil bought me a box of wine yesterday, so I'm not going without. I still have my appointment with the doctor tomorrow so hopefully that will solve the rest of the problem. But I can tell you I'm a little sad, as I liked being a cider drinker.

What of the rest of the day, well I may or may not get a phone call to go into work. I have ordered my shopping on the internet so I don't have to go out and do that. I do have some housework to do and of course there's Malarky and Ned. The main thing though is starting this damn essay, they are always hard to start, and the first one of the year is always the hardest. I can do this though, if I keep saying that it may help me. Right now though I think I should go and have another cup of coffee and some breakfast, that may get my brain moving. I'll let you know if that actually works tomorrow.

Sixteen weeks + 1

Well I'm up nice and early for a Sunday morning, although it's mainly because Denny (my husbands favourite cat) thinks it's perfectly acceptable to yell and yell whilst sitting on my windowsill, until I get up and let him out, it's nice to know that I have some use in the world. Whatever we said to Xander yesterday didn't do the trick as he was yet again in my bed last night, I have considered that it could be some form of squatters rights protest sit in thingy, You see the room used to be his, up until about 12 months ago, and it is the biggest of all three bedrooms, well we used to have the smallest (still a good sized double room), but we swapped because he didn't need the space anymore, they get less and less toys so he didn't need the floor space for playing. Now the idea of a pool table has reared it's ugly head, and Neil did make the comment (somewhat foolishly) that if he'd still been in his old room, he'd have the room for one. I'm not sure that Xander is that devious, but it's certainly something that I will keep in mind. We have to do something though as sharing my bed with 2 is having an effect on the quality of my nights sleep, and we all know I have problems in that department already.

Malarky is moving fields today, he's not going far, but some people wanted to move their horses up nearer to the stables, and I don't mind how far away I am from the stables, but I don't want to move any more times. Oddly the people who want to swap fields used to have my field before I did, so why they moved out of it in the first place I don't know. It shouldn't involve too much as I don't have that many things stored in the field, but as I said I'm only doing it once. Actually the field he is moving to is a larger one than he's in now, so he will have loads of room to run around and new neighbours to talk to, I have asked Neil and the boys to come with me to help set it all up but they are a little on the reluctant side, I'll need to do a little more on the bribery front, probably bacon sandwiches would do the trick.

On a caravan note, I thought somebody had stolen my caravan this morning until I remembered that Neil had delivered it to his sisters yesterday, and it is as I suspected Neil is raring to go out and buy a caravan ASAP. I am trying to persuade him to wait until after Christmas when oddly, we are more likely to have more money available. Whereas if he buys one now he'll be using up all of my Christmas shopping funds that will make for a very dull Christmas indeed. To explain about the money Neil always gets a bonus at Christmas and what ever money I spend beforehand gets paid back off out of that bonus, and there is always a little bit left over so that will swell our savings just a little, then I get my next student loan payment in January so unlike a lot of people, who will be feeling the pinch after Christmas, it's the one time of the year that we actually have money. Of course buying a caravan will sort that situation out very easily.

Well what else am I going to do today, well Neil said yesterday that we could have a Sunday dinner today, well apart from picking up a chicken and a packet of stuffing I've got everything that I need, and I do like a roast chicken dinner, trouble is it was yesterday that he said it, it may just have been a moment of weakness, and today he could just say that he wants a curry instead, still I can make one of those too.

Sixteen weeks later

I was really tired after my two busy days, it didn't help that I had to go and do Malarky afterwards and then got caught in a downpour. I then went straight to the doctors to see the nurse for my depo (contraceptive injection) I had to wait an hour to see her, and then I started walking home only to find I was freezing cold, as I was still soaking wet from earlier. Neil picked me up and I think it was a mutual decision that I shouldn't have to cook (nice idea) so we agreed on chinese food, as indian tends to upset Cyril, despite the fact that I eat really mild dishes, I'm guessing it's just too rich. It was really nice all sitting down to eat together, it's something that we try to do as often as we can, and something we rarely did when I worked at Stourton, as I just came home too late then. So a chinese and a couple of cans, and you can guess who went to bed early, can't you, just recently I've been going to bed at the same time as Xander, I have no stamina at all. Mind you Xander has spent the last two nights in with us, as something is really bothering him about sleeping in his own room, I don't know what, he hasn't watched any scary films, or recently had any real bad nightmares, well not that I know to, I've tried to talk to him about it, and I have to do something, because cute as it is having him there, I'd quite like my own bed back. Maybe we need to change his room round or something, but he seems to think he's not safe in his own room, I did point out that he wasn't alone in his room as he does have Big Mac for company (hamster, a really big one, hence the name) but as he pointed out he's hardly going to leap out of his cage in Xanders defence, well you never know, but I'm not going to plant the idea of Big Mac being a Ninja hamster as I can't see that helping the proceedings at all.

So what do we have on today, well at some point I have to get Will out of bed (Neils says it's his pit, but it seems unfair), as there is an open day at Halesowen college today, between 10 and 4, so you can guess which end of the day is more likely to see us. Neil is supposed to be delivering the caravan to Julie (his sister) today, and had wanted Will to go with him for the company (notice he didn't even ask me, wise man) but Will has babysitting tonight and it's possible Neil wouldn't be home in time, still when asked Xander was more than happy to go, so that's all sorted. I am hoping that the caravan going won't make Neil push to get a new van for us, it's not that I don't want one, but that I want the right one and feel that there really isn't any rush. Anyway my mind should be on essays now not caravans, as I have one to hand in soon and I haven't had a chance to even start it yet, still that's what happens when you go to work for a living instead of dossing around the house (OK I don't doss much, but you know what I mean).

So apart from starting an essay, taking Will to a college, going to the field to do Malarky, taking Ned to the woods and all the normal housework stuff, no sorry I have absolutely nothing on today at all. I'm guessing I should go and not start doing all the things that I don't have to do. OK now I've managed to confuse myself.

Fifteen weeks + 6

I don't think I'm up to this going to work lark, it's far too much like hard work, and I'm off again today. I worked from 2 till 5:30 yesterday as I was at Summerhill in the morning, and today I'm doing the reverse, going to Larkshill for the morning and back to Summerhill this afternoon. I do still have to walk the dog and go to Malarky, and I still have to do all the housework things. I think that's the area that would go first, if I actually worked full time, I'd have to get a dishwasher, and I'd dry more clothes in the tumble drier, plus I think I'd give up ironing as a total waste of what little time I had left. This is probably why Neil doesn't want me to actually work full time once I'm qualified, he'd rather I worked part time so I could still do all the other things, I thought he meant the fun stuff, but it's more likely he meant the housework. 

I have managed to make an appointment for the doctors next Tuesday, although I've already tried to make some small changes in my diet to try and sort it out, I think I probably do need professional help. I'm also feeling so tired and run down all the time, this could be because I'm not sleeping well, which I will mention as well, or simply just my busy lifestyle, who knows. I just hope that the doctor can help, I've not had much dealings with actual doctors throughout my treatment it's all been done through the hospital, being an emergency case tends to cut out the middle man. The changes I've made so far were to cut down on the amount of alcohol that I drink, which was relatively easy until I had a long day at work yesterday, and change what I eat for breakfast, I either have porridge, or a banana and a pro biotic yoghurt. I really wish I liked bananas, they are really good for you, I think of them more like medicine, and just get on with it. Whether it's the right thing to do, I'm not sure, nor am I certain it's helping, I mean Cyril hasn't been misbehaving for the past couple of days, but he's not been an angel either, I'm guessing these things may take longer to take effect.

Miss Wilson mentioned yesterday about whether or not I was allowed to actually teach a lesson, and she had a bit of a glint in her eye when she said it, Oh boy I don't know whether I'm excited or scared, or both, it's not really the kids any more that bother me, although I still maintain that year 9's are a little scary (that's 13-14 year olds in case you don't know), it's the technology they use in the classroom and how much the kids seem to know about it and I know nothing! Still I'm sure that it's something that we can work around, as I have to have a go sometime, don't I. 

I'm off now to start another crazy day.

Fifteen weeks + 5

I am running around like a lunatic this morning, trying to meet myself coming back before I can even start my day. It's just gone 8 o'clock and I've been up for just under an hour, put on a load of washing, put away the washing up from last night and put on a lamb stew (into the slow cooker), I have run a bath for myself but the hot water has run out so I thought I'd come and write my blog whilst it heats back up. I don't think anyone used up all the hot water this morning I just ran my bath too early for the hot water system to be able to cope. I will be going to Summerhill for my morning in school, then dashing home to let the dog in and out, or not if I don't have time, whizzing by to feed Malarky and check that he has 4 legs still, then driving in to Birmingham to do some more work for Neil. Apparently they want me to do some work on a spreadsheet, some data entry or something. Sounds OK to me, in my time, before I had a family and became a riding instructor, I worked, mainly in offices being a credit controller, an accounts clerk, a marketing assistant, a data entry clerk and an all around office dogsbody. My office experience is extensive, if a little out of date, for example my last office job was 1995, everything is just a little bit more technological now. Although we all know that technology is not my strong point, and to prove that I can tell you that during the Summer I was in the office when Will came in and I asked him to close the window for me, and he came over to the computer and took hold of the mouse, no Will I meant an actual window, but you do see what my boys think of my computer skills, and they're not far off.

Of course my kids have no real concept of what I did before they came along, or if I even did anything, no I've just checked with Xander and he has no clue what I did before I worked at Stourton, which he knows I started when he was 3, he looks really puzzled. I've also checked with Will and he has no clue that I had any kind of a life before I had him, I wonder if this is something that I should remedy or just leave them to it. I am really looking forward to today, it will be great to be back in the classroom again with Miss Wilson, it felt really odd having a week off when I still had to go to Uni, but I'm guessing the teachers need it as much as the children want it. I'm about half way through my official volunteering for the module at Uni, but I don't want to give up my time there and will try to continue with it for as long as Miss Wilson is prepared to put up with me.

I may be working at Larkshill for the next few days, so I've warned the boys that they will have to be a little bit more independent, I know they don't really need me that much but it's a pretence that we all keep up, I think to make me feel more wanted, rather than them more cared for. Anyway I had better get on with it, I hope the water is hot again now, otherwise I will have to have a shower instead, and I don't want to feel that awake yet!

Fifteen weeks + 4

I know I am really late posting this but I have a really good excuse, as I've only just got up, I wouldn't mind that part so much it's the being awake from 2:30 until 6:30 that's the sticking point with me. Basically I had an upset stomach, which isn't anything to write home about, nor is it particularly unusual for me, especially recently. You have to realise that after the operations I've had, my bowel is now much shorter than most peoples, and everything works just that little bit quicker than it does on your average person, plus I seem more sensitive to certain foods, a lot more than I used to be. I know this isn't a pleasant conversation first thing in the morning but it has to be said. I have no control over Cyril, nor are there any nerves in the end of him, so I can't go back to sleep if I think I have an upset stomach, as mine won't necessarily wake me up if I need it to. So I lie awake waiting to have to change my bag again, and again, I hate the feeling that my body is in control of me instead of me in control of it. Neil thinks it's the bowl of chilli I had for my dinner last night, it was nice and tasty (home made vaguely from a Jamie Oliver recipe), it was a little spicy though, so there's your clue. I should have known better, I can't eat even mild curries any more, my diet is full of bland boring ordinary food, so I had a bowl of chilli and paid the price throughout the night. They say that having a stoma shouldn't affect what you can eat, well mine obviously does, so I think maybe I should go and see the doctor to see if he can offer me any help, like a really big cork (only joking).

Still it's put me all out of whack for the rest of the day, and I feel a little like I've been run over by a truck. Having another couple of hours sleep has helped though I still don't feel well enough to go to Uni, that's not just because I'm tired but back to the closet agoraphobia, what if it all starts up again whilst I'm there. Still people get ill and have to miss lectures, I won't be the first, and I doubt this will be my last. This upset stomach I keep getting could just be because my system hasn't settled down yet as it can take months, but I feel there's another underlying food intolerance that I've developed which is why I thought I should get it checked out. If changing my diet can solve all this it's not too high a price to pay, as long as it's not an alcohol intolerance, that would be the sticking point for me. I managed to wake up and wake Xander up to put him in charge of getting both him and Will to school, I know that seems the wrong way round but if you know my kids you know why. When Xander was 4 and he wanted some lunch he went and made himself a sandwich, then he went and made Will one (who would have been 8 at the time), it's always been that way round. Mind you Xander once made himself a butter sandwich, which was not as I thought simply bread and butter, but bread with slices of butter between them, so you do have to watch him.

If I'm going to stay home for most of today (I still have to do Malarky, he's my anti-agoraphobia hero) I may as well knuckle down and make a start on my first essay that's due in in two weeks, well when I say start I mean pick a question and maybe order a couple of books on the subject from Amazon, you can't argue that it will be a start. I can also do some housework (boo), and some washing (more boo) and play with my new tumble drier (that's not boo, it's still in the novel phase), I've worked out the buttons on it, I just have to decide whether I want my clothes cupboard dry or extra dry, I have no clue what that actually means but it dries the clothes until it senses they are dry if you press either of those buttons, so it's quite simple. Anyway I should go and have some breakfast as I feel a little odd, porridge I think would be a good one to have today.

Fifteen weeks + 3

I really can't believe it's November already, Neil was looking at Christmas presents for the boys on the internet and still discussing the option of having a pool table (well how often do you need a dining table), he did say "I could always build another extension", but I'm pretty sure he was joking. I suppose I should think myself lucky that during one of my stays in hospital they didn't turn my whole house into a giant boys theme park, a pool table, an even bigger TV and a fridge stocked with beer in every room. Neil would be drooling right now if he'd heard that. As it is I think we could manage one of those folding pool tables, but he keeps looking at the proper slate bed ones like they have in pubs, it's the sign of a misspent youth I think. Any way I can't really begin to even think about Christmas as I have 3 essays, a report and a reflection (I think that's what they are all called) all to write and hand in before then so that's where my focus is going to be for the next couple of months. It will be a miracle if anybody gets any proper presents this year, if it's left up to me. There is always the internet, I do love internet shopping it takes all the travelling time out of shopping, but then of course you don't get to have lunch out so it's nowhere near as much fun as the real thing. 

I am spending my morning waiting in for men, whoo hooo, I hear you say. Well no, one of them is the Virgin engineer (yes I see the irony in that), and the other is coming to check my cavities. OK this conversation went down hill rapidly (well it did if you have a dirty mind). Our cable TV box hasn't been working for the best part of a week, and it makes you wonder just how much we use it if nobody called an engineer until yesterday (that would be me). As for the cavities, well we are getting our cavity walls insulated, why we didn't get it done before I don't know, but apparently they have to come and make sure that you have the right kind of walls, knowing me, mine are the expensive sort to fill. Well I'll let you know on that point, and also whether it had anything to do with Neil putting the cable TV cable under the floor that has broken it, as that's when it stopped working, although I'm not to mention that to the Virgin guy. It's a good job Xander won't be here as when I was telling somebody else the other day about the cable TV not working he just shouts "it's because Dad pulled the cable out of the wall" and then continued on with whatever he was doing. Yes thanks Xander, I needed that help. You do have to love kids, no you do you can't kill them, I've checked.

At least they are both back at school today, which should mean the mysterious intermittent illness that Xander gets on some mornings should be in remission today. This half term is pretty serious for Will as well as me, he has practice maths and science papers coming out of his ears, and mock exams in December, at least we can both be stressed together, not that Will seems to get stressed, he is way too chilled out about the process for my liking. He did a maths practice paper yesterday whilst listening to his MP3 player, he said he thought he did much better because of it, but that you are not allowed to take one into an exam, I made the suggestion that he could hum to himself as an alternative, well you should have seen the look he gave me. I was only trying to help. I'm an encouraging sort of Mom rather than a pushy one, which basically means I use bribery, hard cash £10 for an A and £20 for an A*, so far my moneys been pretty safe, but I can see a last minute effort by Will could cost me some real money, I don't mind what else is bribery for. 

Right I'm off to see where they've got to as they should be downstairs by now and there's no sign of either one of them.