Twenty weeks later

Well this has sure been one heck of a week, I began it by feeling really ill, and I simply got worse. I spent the best part of two days in bed, having chills and fevers (freezing cold and then boiling hot), and feeling like every bone in my body ached, even the little ones in my feet. Neil concluded it was flu, and told the boys they were on their own. He said it was like when I was in hospital, only different, well they weren't far wrong, between them they fed themselves and me (not that I ate much at all), and they walked the dog and looked after Malarky. Will even cycled all the way to the field on Wednesday (strike day so no school) and fed him and skipped him out, as Neil could only do it in the dark. I am now feeling much better, not well but better. I have a really horrible chesty cough, and still keep spiking a temperature now and again, but at least I don't ache any more. If it is flu, it's horrible and not something I want to experience again, and if any one tries to tell me it was a bad cold, I warn you, I won't take it very well.

Now for my blog, I've decided to call it a day. I started writing it for a reason, as I was in such a bad place emotionally after my operation(s) that I needed somewhere to take all my venting to, and it did the trick, I managed to get myself out of the funk I was in and into a more normal funk for a person trying to do a degree whilst living with their boys (yes I included Neil in that).  I am finding though that it's not as cathartic as having a diary, as there are things that I can't write in here because of the people that can read it, so I censor it to make sure that I haven't offended anyone, even if they've annoyed me that day. Then you don't get the same feedback you would if you went to the pub with a mate and moaned about all of your woes, sometimes that would be more helpful. So because I can't be brutally honest for fear of offending or upsetting people, and I don't get the helpful advice that I would from having a girly chat. I don;t really see that this is therapeutic for me at all any more.

If you are my friend or family and still want to know how I am getting on, message me on facebook, or ring me and ask, I still will have that info for you, and it might make for a more rounded chat for me. If I don't actually know you from real life, but you have enjoyed reading my blog, then ditto, all new friends welcome.

Apart from that all I really have to say is a huge big thank you. I don't know how I'd have got through those first weeks without you all, even if I didn't know who you were, it felt good knowing that people cared.

So thank you for reading my blog, and hopefully enjoying some of it.

Maxine

Nineteen weeks + 3

Sorry no blog for now, blogging will resume when lurgy goes away.

Nineteen weeks + 2

OK there was no blog yesterday as I was away overnight and didn't get back until the afternoon, and today, trust me it's going to be short. As I have the lurgy (I don't know how you spell that). I felt a bit rough on Saturday but didn't take too much notice and had a really nice time at Pam and Sharons party on Saturday night (I know I had a really good time as I don't really remember the end of it). But as yesterday wore on I became iller and iller, I don't know if it's just a bad cold or what but I'm shivery and cold when everyone else is warm and I ache everywhere, sounds pretty bad and feels pretty bad too. I was supposed to go in to Larkshill today to do some work, but I can hardly cope with up and down the stairs, so after this I am having a bath and going back to bed, as it seems the best place for me (once I've found some paracetamol that is).

There is some humour in this as Will asked yesterday at dinner (yes I cooked but it wasn't very exciting), what was wrong with me, and as I reckoned I had a cold I said as much. Then the classic ignorant response "so were you standing about in the cold a lot at the party?" it's a bit worrying as Will wants to do A level biology, still. I informed him that you don't get a cold from being cold, you catch it from somebody else who has one. "OK, so they were out in the cold too much", to be fair I was feeling pretty rough and now he was making my head spin. "No, you can only catch a cold from somebody else that has one." Of course the moment you think these things are sorted it means you have missed out a vital factor, in this case Xander, who piped up "so how did the first person to get a cold get one?". I give in completely, I am defeated.

Now I'm going back to bed and taking my lurgy with me, I'm pretty sure it isn't the kind of thing that transmits down the internet, but just don't get too close to the screen just in case.

Nineteen weeks later

I'm finding it hard to believe that's it's only 4 weeks until Christmas, yesterday it was a month away and that seemed a lot better. I do have some assignments to do before then which are occupying my mind a lot at the moment so who knows what everyone will end up with for their actual presents. Mind you if my kids keep buying games I'll have nothing left to buy them anyway, Xander persuaded Neil to take him to Merry Hill last night where he exchanged 4 games he doesn't play any more for one ( for £40) that he really wanted, Will thought it was a really good idea and came downstairs with a selection of 6 games that he didn't play any more and looked them up on the internet to see what they were worth, it turned out only £20, so I'm not sure what that says about Wills taste in games. A couple of them were only worth £1.20, and Neil said "keep the game I'll give you the money" as it just seemed too sad. Still when Xander got back from Merry Hill Neil said he was as happy as a dog with 2 tails, so that gives you some idea of how good his new game is, just don't ask me what it's called as I've lost track of who has what in this house, I can't even work an XBox controller so I stay well away from it all.

Neil says I have to tell you about something funny that Xander said last night at dinner, I think because it might be embarrassing for me he thinks I wouldn't put it in here, how wrong is he? Anyway we were eating dinner and Neil commented on my blouse, saying he hadn't seen it before, after my reply of "I've had it ages" and the usual isn't that a standard wife lie when a top is really new kind of humour from Neil, so I said "I don't wear it very often as I have to be in the right mood", which to me seemed a perfectly sensible comment to make about an item of clothing. Then Xander said "exactly what kind of mood is that?" which according to Neil was hilarious, then he and Will went on to tell me that my blouse looked like camouflage netting, well whatever mood I have to be in to wear it, it's not ever going to happen again. I asked why on earth nobody had told me that before I spent the afternoon at school in it, to which, of course, Neil repeated his comment that he'd never seen it before otherwise he would have. Great so now my taste in clothes is the butt of all of their jokes, is there nothing of mine that's safe?

How is my day going to pan out, well I have a lot to do, including going to Malarky and taking Ned to the woods, all this morning as I'm supposed to be off to my Moms for a party this afternoon. Right now all I really want to do is go back to bed, as I feel like I'm coming down with a cold, and am not going to be very good company. Mind you if all the men in the house are going to pick on me, I may as well get away from them for a while and leave them to their boy things. I guess I just have to hope that 24 hours isn't long enough for them to install a pool table, a bar and a pizza oven. 

Eighteen weeks + 6

So another week draws to a close, do I have anything insightful to say about that, no, except it's going too fast. I'm not sure if it's an age thing, or an I have assignments due in in a couple of weeks, maybe it's that Christmas is lurking just around the corner, or I'm simply just hurtling towards my 42nd birthday (the week before Christmas). All I do know it that it only seems like yesterday that it was last week, and I don't know where all of this week went to. I always seem to have so much to do, complain that I never get any of it done, and yet I am tired because I've been busy all day, something just isn't right. Well I have 3 weeks to do my assignments, and 4 to get everything sorted for Christmas. I also have 2 weeks to do Wills first application for a Sixth form, and I really should complete my application to do a PGCE course ASAP. Maybe my problem is all of the deadlines, if I didn't have them would the time move more slowly, well I'm guessing that is something I won't find out for some time.

So on to today, it is Fun Time Friday again and the fun part of my day is bound to be my afternoon at Summerhill with the year 10's, they really are a smashing group. I made the comment to Miss Wilson last week that I am getting quite attached to them, I wonder if that's a normal thing for a teacher. Anyway this morning my idea of fun is having my wall cavities insulated. I know, I'm a thrill a minute kind of a gal! It is one of those government funded schemes but the fund is coming to an end so they are trying to get as many people to do it before it ends as possible, mainly by offering a huge discount, in our case they are charging us £50, which isn't too bad at all. We opted not to have the loft done at this time, purely because it would take too long to shift all the crap we've got up there, I'm assuming that hundreds of old computer components (yes my loft is full of those) must have some insulating properties at least. Apart from that I have the morning free (albeit trapped in my house waiting for the insulating people) I could start one of my assignments, that would be productive, or do some housework, which would be a good idea as I have house guests this weekend and won't be here for part of it. Trouble is neither of those things are really in keeping with the Fun Time Friday theme. I know I'll trawl the internet all morning looking for suitable Christmas presents for everyone and buying nothing, now that sound like a lot more fun.

I do have to get the place a little bit straight though, as my Step Dad (Keith) is staying on Saturday night, and then my Dad is coming up and staying on Sunday night, and I am away myself for some of the weekend, so it does seem like a good idea to do a little bit of housework. My Dad is coming up to deliver Christmas presents as he and my Step Mom are going away for Christmas and have to be ahead of the game. That would be OK if either of them were one of the two people that we've actually got all done for Christmas, but they're not, so they will have to make do with 1/2 a present each and get the rest when they come back off their hols. We have arranged this week for all of Neils family to come on Boxing Day this year, it's something that we've never done before so that will either be a really good day, or simply stressful, who knows, but they do say you should try new things. This also means that I'll be spending most of Christmas Day and Boxing Day preparing food, but that should be fun. Oh I've just thought I could start planning that too, now that could be a fun way to spend my morning.

Right what I need now is lots of coffee and some breakfast, that will at least set me up for the day, whatever I end up doing.

Eighteen weeks + 5

I know that sleeping through the night and waking up at 5 o'clock may not be everyones idea of a good nights sleep, but believe me, it will have to do. I am so fed up of not getting a good nights sleep that a vaguely good one will fit the bill very nicely thank you. Neil has gone back to work today so at least my days can return to somewhere near normal, I do like having him here but I don't get anything done at all when he's around, except some Christmas shopping, at least we have made a bit of a dent in that. Which isn't too bad when you think that we still have a month left, I will probably do most of the rest of it on the internet, I know it's lazy but it does save having to deal with the crowds.

Today I have Summerhill this morning, I always enjoy my mornings there and spend my week looking forward to it, I must not though neglect my studies as without them my application to do a PGCE will be worthless. I still have to write my personal statement, and I really do not know where to start. I could say I'll knuckle down and do it this weekend but I've managed to fill up my weekend with a trip to my Moms to go to a party, whilst my Step Dad comes here and goes to a beer festival with Neil. I'm not quite sure how we've managed it, but it should be a nice weekend for all of us. Will is probably babysitting both Friday and Saturday night, so when I get home on Sunday he's going to want to be taken to Merry Hill to spend his earnings, so that will be pretty much the whole weekend with no time for my statement at all. I must get it done though as it's the last part of my application. I like the fact that Will gets to earn a little money for himself but I do wish he'd stop buying things off his Christmas wish list with it, as it's getting smaller by the week.

Oh Neils car business did not go too well at all yesterday, and he was a very grumpy bunny indeed. What he will do now, I'm not sure but he was looking at cars on the internet last night so that may give you a clue. I think he deserves a new car, but as he can't find anything that he really likes I'm guessing that the process is going to be a lot more painful than I think (especially for me). I was the opposite, I knew exactly what car I wanted I just had to wait for one to come up at the right price. Then again I don't mind so much about, 0-60 and fuel economy, otherwise my slow diesel guzzling tank wouldn't be on the drive. I did have an entertaining moment though yesterday when Neil proved to me yet again that he's left and right dyslexic, if you can be such a thing. We were winding our way through the streets of Sedgley trying to go and pick up his car from a garage in Bilston, when he said "should I go right here", and I of course said "yes", at which point he indicated and turned left, leaving me looking at him very strangely and him stuck in a line of traffic. When I commented on it, he replied "you told me to come this way". Well there are only so many times a person can blink before pointing out the inaccuracies of that statement. Then he came back with a "you know I always mix them up, you knew what I meant really". Again with the blinking, what am I supposed to do with that I wonder. I will put it down as one of his cute idiosyncrasies, and leave it at that. 

So I don't have to take Ned to the woods today as we went yesterday, that leaves my afternoon free apart from doing Malarky, so that will be an afternoon spent catching up on all the housework I haven't done because Neil kept taking me shopping (I know I'm such a moan merchant). Right time for breakfast I think, with just a hint of caffeine on the side.

Eighteen weeks + 4

Well hands up if you've been awake half the night, it would be nice to know I wasn't awake all by myself, I'm beginning to think there should be a club, for people who can't sleep or who can't go back to sleep, we could tell tales, regale stories (I know the same thing) and tell each other the stupid things we do to try to go back to sleep. I do not count sheep, in my opinion my imaginary sheep are too unruly and whenever I have tried to count them jumping over a fence they go in groups which just winds me up and certainly doesn't send me to sleep. I can't think of dull boring things, I'm at Uni my life is full of busy interesting things that my brain won't ignore, plus it's the run up to Christmas if you think I can empty my head of that one, well lets just say that I can't. So I do puzzles, crosswords, word searches, kriss cross, Sodoku I'm really not fussy and it usually works, even if Neil does find me in the morning asleep clutching a pen. Last night, however, it just didn't work at all, I guess there was just one thing too many running around in my head (probably with all of those stupid sheep).

Well what did the doctor say, the good news is that I'm not Coeliac, which is what I said yesterday, the bad news is of course that we still don't know what it is. So my doctors next step is to consult the stoma nurses and ask what his next step should be. OK I can cope with that, it's nice to know that he's not afraid to ask for help, or not nice to know that I've got him a little bit stumped. He's not sure if I need to go back and see my consultant or if they should send me to a dietician, well I know where I'd rather go, but again we will have to wait and see.

So what of today, well Neil is taking his car to be diagnosed (see we're all at it) as it doesn't seem to be running right (I'm thinking it's part of the reason he wants to get rid of it), he says having looked at what else is available for the money he has to spend he'd rather just keep his car, if he can get it running right. If not I have no idea what kind of car he is going to look at as he's ruled out all of the obvious ones. I'm off to Uni for my normal Wednesday treat and I'll do Malarky on the way home, so that means, yes you've guessed it "no Christmas Shopping". Thank goodness because I'm all out of shopping goodwill now and think I'll do the rest on the internet. I do find people, especially a lot of them in a shop, really quite annoying. Shopping on the internet avoids all that, and the weather, and having to carry lots of bags, and having to eat out (which is the only saving grace to going Christmas shopping that I can find).

So I am going to go and get some breakfast for myself and at least one more cup of coffee, and see what else Wednesday has to offer.