Sixteen weeks + 2

It's always a good sign when I'm a little late with my blog, as it usually means that I had a reasonable nights sleep, which I did, despite waking at about 4 ish I managed to drift back off to sleep again, of course I also slept through until about 8 o'clock, which is far too late. Like a lot of people I use my mobile phone for everything, including a date reminder and an alarm clock, and all this works really well until you go to bed and leave your mobile phone zipped up in your handbag in the hall. Oh well at least I managed to get everyone out in time for school, and I have an essay to get a handle on today. I don't know whether I'm needed at Larkshill Engineering or not, they are going to ring me if they do, so until then I should knuckle down and try to at least start this stupid essay. I'm sorry but the character assassinations on the pieces of work that I have to do are only going to get worse as this semester progresses, so you may as well get used to them.

You will be pleased to hear that Xander slept in his own bed last night, which may have had some influence on my nights sleep. I've told him he can sleep with the light on, not a night light, but the main light in his room, I know it's not ideal and not something I would normally encourage, but I get my bed back, so for the time being it will do. I'm pretty sure it will work it's way out of his system eventually, and in the meantime there are energy bulbs in his light so it's not too bad. As for the rest of yesterday, well Neil has plumbed the radiator back into the utility, you see just because I got my sink, it doesn't mean that the project is over, no far from it. Neil is going to box all of the pipes in and I have to tile around the sink. Oh and there is supposed to be a wall cupboard going up as well. These things all take time, and a little bit of money. Talking of money I think I've won the, "lets not buy a caravan now and skint ourselves out", competition mainly by letting him work it out for himself. Plus we went and started our Christmas shopping yesterday, well we bought one present, but we've sorted out what we want to buy for a couple of other people as well, so that's well on the way to being sorted.

I didn't move Malarky to another field yesterday, partly because the other people didn't turn up, which does make it tricky, and partly because Neil has now said that he doesn't want me to. So I'm guessing I now have an awkward conversation to have with the lady who wanted to swap with me, although I'm just going to put all the blame onto Neil and leave it at that. I've made a sad decision, I'm giving up drinking cider, it was a very hard one to make, as I love my cider I really do. Before you wonder I'm not talking 2L plastic bottles of cider, I have far more taste than that. Nor do I mean Magners or the other trendy ciders that they pour over ice, ice, it makes me cry just thinking about it. No I like real cider, normally it comes in 500ml bottles and costs an arm and a leg, although I will drink cans if it's Scrumpy Jack, but no longer as, and it's silly that I didn't work this out earlier, I think it's partly, not totally, to blame for some of the problems that I have with Cyril. I worked it out because when we went out last weekend to the birthday party I couldn't drink cider as there wasn't any decent ones there so I drank wine, and whisky and a lot of it, and Cyril behaved impeccably. Now during the week I had a couple of glasses of cider (yes they were big) and off he goes like I've eaten a vindaloo or something. So no more cider for me, for the foreseeable future. It's not too bad, Neil bought me a box of wine yesterday, so I'm not going without. I still have my appointment with the doctor tomorrow so hopefully that will solve the rest of the problem. But I can tell you I'm a little sad, as I liked being a cider drinker.

What of the rest of the day, well I may or may not get a phone call to go into work. I have ordered my shopping on the internet so I don't have to go out and do that. I do have some housework to do and of course there's Malarky and Ned. The main thing though is starting this damn essay, they are always hard to start, and the first one of the year is always the hardest. I can do this though, if I keep saying that it may help me. Right now though I think I should go and have another cup of coffee and some breakfast, that may get my brain moving. I'll let you know if that actually works tomorrow.

Sixteen weeks + 1

Well I'm up nice and early for a Sunday morning, although it's mainly because Denny (my husbands favourite cat) thinks it's perfectly acceptable to yell and yell whilst sitting on my windowsill, until I get up and let him out, it's nice to know that I have some use in the world. Whatever we said to Xander yesterday didn't do the trick as he was yet again in my bed last night, I have considered that it could be some form of squatters rights protest sit in thingy, You see the room used to be his, up until about 12 months ago, and it is the biggest of all three bedrooms, well we used to have the smallest (still a good sized double room), but we swapped because he didn't need the space anymore, they get less and less toys so he didn't need the floor space for playing. Now the idea of a pool table has reared it's ugly head, and Neil did make the comment (somewhat foolishly) that if he'd still been in his old room, he'd have the room for one. I'm not sure that Xander is that devious, but it's certainly something that I will keep in mind. We have to do something though as sharing my bed with 2 is having an effect on the quality of my nights sleep, and we all know I have problems in that department already.

Malarky is moving fields today, he's not going far, but some people wanted to move their horses up nearer to the stables, and I don't mind how far away I am from the stables, but I don't want to move any more times. Oddly the people who want to swap fields used to have my field before I did, so why they moved out of it in the first place I don't know. It shouldn't involve too much as I don't have that many things stored in the field, but as I said I'm only doing it once. Actually the field he is moving to is a larger one than he's in now, so he will have loads of room to run around and new neighbours to talk to, I have asked Neil and the boys to come with me to help set it all up but they are a little on the reluctant side, I'll need to do a little more on the bribery front, probably bacon sandwiches would do the trick.

On a caravan note, I thought somebody had stolen my caravan this morning until I remembered that Neil had delivered it to his sisters yesterday, and it is as I suspected Neil is raring to go out and buy a caravan ASAP. I am trying to persuade him to wait until after Christmas when oddly, we are more likely to have more money available. Whereas if he buys one now he'll be using up all of my Christmas shopping funds that will make for a very dull Christmas indeed. To explain about the money Neil always gets a bonus at Christmas and what ever money I spend beforehand gets paid back off out of that bonus, and there is always a little bit left over so that will swell our savings just a little, then I get my next student loan payment in January so unlike a lot of people, who will be feeling the pinch after Christmas, it's the one time of the year that we actually have money. Of course buying a caravan will sort that situation out very easily.

Well what else am I going to do today, well Neil said yesterday that we could have a Sunday dinner today, well apart from picking up a chicken and a packet of stuffing I've got everything that I need, and I do like a roast chicken dinner, trouble is it was yesterday that he said it, it may just have been a moment of weakness, and today he could just say that he wants a curry instead, still I can make one of those too.

Sixteen weeks later

I was really tired after my two busy days, it didn't help that I had to go and do Malarky afterwards and then got caught in a downpour. I then went straight to the doctors to see the nurse for my depo (contraceptive injection) I had to wait an hour to see her, and then I started walking home only to find I was freezing cold, as I was still soaking wet from earlier. Neil picked me up and I think it was a mutual decision that I shouldn't have to cook (nice idea) so we agreed on chinese food, as indian tends to upset Cyril, despite the fact that I eat really mild dishes, I'm guessing it's just too rich. It was really nice all sitting down to eat together, it's something that we try to do as often as we can, and something we rarely did when I worked at Stourton, as I just came home too late then. So a chinese and a couple of cans, and you can guess who went to bed early, can't you, just recently I've been going to bed at the same time as Xander, I have no stamina at all. Mind you Xander has spent the last two nights in with us, as something is really bothering him about sleeping in his own room, I don't know what, he hasn't watched any scary films, or recently had any real bad nightmares, well not that I know to, I've tried to talk to him about it, and I have to do something, because cute as it is having him there, I'd quite like my own bed back. Maybe we need to change his room round or something, but he seems to think he's not safe in his own room, I did point out that he wasn't alone in his room as he does have Big Mac for company (hamster, a really big one, hence the name) but as he pointed out he's hardly going to leap out of his cage in Xanders defence, well you never know, but I'm not going to plant the idea of Big Mac being a Ninja hamster as I can't see that helping the proceedings at all.

So what do we have on today, well at some point I have to get Will out of bed (Neils says it's his pit, but it seems unfair), as there is an open day at Halesowen college today, between 10 and 4, so you can guess which end of the day is more likely to see us. Neil is supposed to be delivering the caravan to Julie (his sister) today, and had wanted Will to go with him for the company (notice he didn't even ask me, wise man) but Will has babysitting tonight and it's possible Neil wouldn't be home in time, still when asked Xander was more than happy to go, so that's all sorted. I am hoping that the caravan going won't make Neil push to get a new van for us, it's not that I don't want one, but that I want the right one and feel that there really isn't any rush. Anyway my mind should be on essays now not caravans, as I have one to hand in soon and I haven't had a chance to even start it yet, still that's what happens when you go to work for a living instead of dossing around the house (OK I don't doss much, but you know what I mean).

So apart from starting an essay, taking Will to a college, going to the field to do Malarky, taking Ned to the woods and all the normal housework stuff, no sorry I have absolutely nothing on today at all. I'm guessing I should go and not start doing all the things that I don't have to do. OK now I've managed to confuse myself.

Fifteen weeks + 6

I don't think I'm up to this going to work lark, it's far too much like hard work, and I'm off again today. I worked from 2 till 5:30 yesterday as I was at Summerhill in the morning, and today I'm doing the reverse, going to Larkshill for the morning and back to Summerhill this afternoon. I do still have to walk the dog and go to Malarky, and I still have to do all the housework things. I think that's the area that would go first, if I actually worked full time, I'd have to get a dishwasher, and I'd dry more clothes in the tumble drier, plus I think I'd give up ironing as a total waste of what little time I had left. This is probably why Neil doesn't want me to actually work full time once I'm qualified, he'd rather I worked part time so I could still do all the other things, I thought he meant the fun stuff, but it's more likely he meant the housework. 

I have managed to make an appointment for the doctors next Tuesday, although I've already tried to make some small changes in my diet to try and sort it out, I think I probably do need professional help. I'm also feeling so tired and run down all the time, this could be because I'm not sleeping well, which I will mention as well, or simply just my busy lifestyle, who knows. I just hope that the doctor can help, I've not had much dealings with actual doctors throughout my treatment it's all been done through the hospital, being an emergency case tends to cut out the middle man. The changes I've made so far were to cut down on the amount of alcohol that I drink, which was relatively easy until I had a long day at work yesterday, and change what I eat for breakfast, I either have porridge, or a banana and a pro biotic yoghurt. I really wish I liked bananas, they are really good for you, I think of them more like medicine, and just get on with it. Whether it's the right thing to do, I'm not sure, nor am I certain it's helping, I mean Cyril hasn't been misbehaving for the past couple of days, but he's not been an angel either, I'm guessing these things may take longer to take effect.

Miss Wilson mentioned yesterday about whether or not I was allowed to actually teach a lesson, and she had a bit of a glint in her eye when she said it, Oh boy I don't know whether I'm excited or scared, or both, it's not really the kids any more that bother me, although I still maintain that year 9's are a little scary (that's 13-14 year olds in case you don't know), it's the technology they use in the classroom and how much the kids seem to know about it and I know nothing! Still I'm sure that it's something that we can work around, as I have to have a go sometime, don't I. 

I'm off now to start another crazy day.

Fifteen weeks + 5

I am running around like a lunatic this morning, trying to meet myself coming back before I can even start my day. It's just gone 8 o'clock and I've been up for just under an hour, put on a load of washing, put away the washing up from last night and put on a lamb stew (into the slow cooker), I have run a bath for myself but the hot water has run out so I thought I'd come and write my blog whilst it heats back up. I don't think anyone used up all the hot water this morning I just ran my bath too early for the hot water system to be able to cope. I will be going to Summerhill for my morning in school, then dashing home to let the dog in and out, or not if I don't have time, whizzing by to feed Malarky and check that he has 4 legs still, then driving in to Birmingham to do some more work for Neil. Apparently they want me to do some work on a spreadsheet, some data entry or something. Sounds OK to me, in my time, before I had a family and became a riding instructor, I worked, mainly in offices being a credit controller, an accounts clerk, a marketing assistant, a data entry clerk and an all around office dogsbody. My office experience is extensive, if a little out of date, for example my last office job was 1995, everything is just a little bit more technological now. Although we all know that technology is not my strong point, and to prove that I can tell you that during the Summer I was in the office when Will came in and I asked him to close the window for me, and he came over to the computer and took hold of the mouse, no Will I meant an actual window, but you do see what my boys think of my computer skills, and they're not far off.

Of course my kids have no real concept of what I did before they came along, or if I even did anything, no I've just checked with Xander and he has no clue what I did before I worked at Stourton, which he knows I started when he was 3, he looks really puzzled. I've also checked with Will and he has no clue that I had any kind of a life before I had him, I wonder if this is something that I should remedy or just leave them to it. I am really looking forward to today, it will be great to be back in the classroom again with Miss Wilson, it felt really odd having a week off when I still had to go to Uni, but I'm guessing the teachers need it as much as the children want it. I'm about half way through my official volunteering for the module at Uni, but I don't want to give up my time there and will try to continue with it for as long as Miss Wilson is prepared to put up with me.

I may be working at Larkshill for the next few days, so I've warned the boys that they will have to be a little bit more independent, I know they don't really need me that much but it's a pretence that we all keep up, I think to make me feel more wanted, rather than them more cared for. Anyway I had better get on with it, I hope the water is hot again now, otherwise I will have to have a shower instead, and I don't want to feel that awake yet!

Fifteen weeks + 4

I know I am really late posting this but I have a really good excuse, as I've only just got up, I wouldn't mind that part so much it's the being awake from 2:30 until 6:30 that's the sticking point with me. Basically I had an upset stomach, which isn't anything to write home about, nor is it particularly unusual for me, especially recently. You have to realise that after the operations I've had, my bowel is now much shorter than most peoples, and everything works just that little bit quicker than it does on your average person, plus I seem more sensitive to certain foods, a lot more than I used to be. I know this isn't a pleasant conversation first thing in the morning but it has to be said. I have no control over Cyril, nor are there any nerves in the end of him, so I can't go back to sleep if I think I have an upset stomach, as mine won't necessarily wake me up if I need it to. So I lie awake waiting to have to change my bag again, and again, I hate the feeling that my body is in control of me instead of me in control of it. Neil thinks it's the bowl of chilli I had for my dinner last night, it was nice and tasty (home made vaguely from a Jamie Oliver recipe), it was a little spicy though, so there's your clue. I should have known better, I can't eat even mild curries any more, my diet is full of bland boring ordinary food, so I had a bowl of chilli and paid the price throughout the night. They say that having a stoma shouldn't affect what you can eat, well mine obviously does, so I think maybe I should go and see the doctor to see if he can offer me any help, like a really big cork (only joking).

Still it's put me all out of whack for the rest of the day, and I feel a little like I've been run over by a truck. Having another couple of hours sleep has helped though I still don't feel well enough to go to Uni, that's not just because I'm tired but back to the closet agoraphobia, what if it all starts up again whilst I'm there. Still people get ill and have to miss lectures, I won't be the first, and I doubt this will be my last. This upset stomach I keep getting could just be because my system hasn't settled down yet as it can take months, but I feel there's another underlying food intolerance that I've developed which is why I thought I should get it checked out. If changing my diet can solve all this it's not too high a price to pay, as long as it's not an alcohol intolerance, that would be the sticking point for me. I managed to wake up and wake Xander up to put him in charge of getting both him and Will to school, I know that seems the wrong way round but if you know my kids you know why. When Xander was 4 and he wanted some lunch he went and made himself a sandwich, then he went and made Will one (who would have been 8 at the time), it's always been that way round. Mind you Xander once made himself a butter sandwich, which was not as I thought simply bread and butter, but bread with slices of butter between them, so you do have to watch him.

If I'm going to stay home for most of today (I still have to do Malarky, he's my anti-agoraphobia hero) I may as well knuckle down and make a start on my first essay that's due in in two weeks, well when I say start I mean pick a question and maybe order a couple of books on the subject from Amazon, you can't argue that it will be a start. I can also do some housework (boo), and some washing (more boo) and play with my new tumble drier (that's not boo, it's still in the novel phase), I've worked out the buttons on it, I just have to decide whether I want my clothes cupboard dry or extra dry, I have no clue what that actually means but it dries the clothes until it senses they are dry if you press either of those buttons, so it's quite simple. Anyway I should go and have some breakfast as I feel a little odd, porridge I think would be a good one to have today.

Fifteen weeks + 3

I really can't believe it's November already, Neil was looking at Christmas presents for the boys on the internet and still discussing the option of having a pool table (well how often do you need a dining table), he did say "I could always build another extension", but I'm pretty sure he was joking. I suppose I should think myself lucky that during one of my stays in hospital they didn't turn my whole house into a giant boys theme park, a pool table, an even bigger TV and a fridge stocked with beer in every room. Neil would be drooling right now if he'd heard that. As it is I think we could manage one of those folding pool tables, but he keeps looking at the proper slate bed ones like they have in pubs, it's the sign of a misspent youth I think. Any way I can't really begin to even think about Christmas as I have 3 essays, a report and a reflection (I think that's what they are all called) all to write and hand in before then so that's where my focus is going to be for the next couple of months. It will be a miracle if anybody gets any proper presents this year, if it's left up to me. There is always the internet, I do love internet shopping it takes all the travelling time out of shopping, but then of course you don't get to have lunch out so it's nowhere near as much fun as the real thing. 

I am spending my morning waiting in for men, whoo hooo, I hear you say. Well no, one of them is the Virgin engineer (yes I see the irony in that), and the other is coming to check my cavities. OK this conversation went down hill rapidly (well it did if you have a dirty mind). Our cable TV box hasn't been working for the best part of a week, and it makes you wonder just how much we use it if nobody called an engineer until yesterday (that would be me). As for the cavities, well we are getting our cavity walls insulated, why we didn't get it done before I don't know, but apparently they have to come and make sure that you have the right kind of walls, knowing me, mine are the expensive sort to fill. Well I'll let you know on that point, and also whether it had anything to do with Neil putting the cable TV cable under the floor that has broken it, as that's when it stopped working, although I'm not to mention that to the Virgin guy. It's a good job Xander won't be here as when I was telling somebody else the other day about the cable TV not working he just shouts "it's because Dad pulled the cable out of the wall" and then continued on with whatever he was doing. Yes thanks Xander, I needed that help. You do have to love kids, no you do you can't kill them, I've checked.

At least they are both back at school today, which should mean the mysterious intermittent illness that Xander gets on some mornings should be in remission today. This half term is pretty serious for Will as well as me, he has practice maths and science papers coming out of his ears, and mock exams in December, at least we can both be stressed together, not that Will seems to get stressed, he is way too chilled out about the process for my liking. He did a maths practice paper yesterday whilst listening to his MP3 player, he said he thought he did much better because of it, but that you are not allowed to take one into an exam, I made the suggestion that he could hum to himself as an alternative, well you should have seen the look he gave me. I was only trying to help. I'm an encouraging sort of Mom rather than a pushy one, which basically means I use bribery, hard cash £10 for an A and £20 for an A*, so far my moneys been pretty safe, but I can see a last minute effort by Will could cost me some real money, I don't mind what else is bribery for. 

Right I'm off to see where they've got to as they should be downstairs by now and there's no sign of either one of them.