Five weeks + 2

Isn't it funny the things we take for granted, I've discovered a new one this morning, tossing and turning. I didn't want to get up at 7.15, not when I didn't have to so I tossed and turned and tried to get back to sleep, then I thought about just a couple of weeks ago when I was first home from the hospital and tossing and turning was impossible. I would spend my nights, partially sat up in bed with a mass of pillows behind me and to the sides, and a line of then between Neil and I to prevent bumps and bangs (please no rude thoughts). I would lie pretty much in the same position all night long and sleep, or not. Look at me now, tossing and turning, even lying on my stomach, now that is progress! So next time you have a good toss and turn about in bed, be happy and think of all the people on the planet who can't right now!

Hey this "utility project" has taken on a life of it's own, we've gone from adding a sink, to totally gutting the room and tiling it from top to bottom. Neils tiling experience is minimal, and he's never done floor tiles, so he looked it up on the internet. First using some sort of degree level mathematics you have to find the centre of the room,  then you place a row of tiles down to see how they look, if you end up with a small gap at the end you can simply shift them all along. Well I said what's the point in all the fancy calculations to find the centre of the room, it's a utility, nobody cares, just start in the corner! I don't think that he thinks I'm taking this project seriously, he may be right. I just wanted a sink, is this turning into a "be careful what you wish for" situation? Because I'm making it quite clear, "I WANTED A SINK". I do agree that it would be nice to be all tiled, and with a new toilet etc, but I do seem to have lost interest in the project, there are only so many, "I don't minds" he will be prepared to take before he starts telling me it was my idea, I will then refer him to the previous statement, and a divorce lawyer (I'm only kidding about the lawyer).

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, probably not as it's a negative thing to talk about, but I panic about things. I don't mean I worry about situations, I mean sometimes things happen and I feel I can't cope and start to actually panic. I don't know why and I certainly never used to, I've always dealt quite calmly with even emergency situations, I'm really hoping it's something that will sort itself out as I can't see them leaving me in charge of a classroom full of children if the slightest thing sends me into a panic attack. I wonder if it's feeling protected from the real world, a strange reaction from all the drugs I've had pumped through my system, or a mild form of post traumatic stress disorder. If you accept that what happened to me was traumatic, although I am not totally prepared to, I think it was more traumatic for those who love me. I could of course just be nuts, which is worth considering. Anyway the point of this was the phones ringing, Neil and the boys had taken Ned to the woods and I was cooking the dinner (I was drinking a small glass of wine whilst watching Casualty on BBCi player, there were potatoes involved but it really wasn't cooking). I had just popped to the toilet when the house phone rang, I wasn't concerned I knew it wouldn't be Neil as he'd have rung my mobile, but I checked it for a message when I got back to cooking (please see previous bracket). There was a message from Neils Dad, sounding all very serious, his Mom had had a fall at his sisters house, had badly injured her shoulder and was being seen by paramedics, and would be going to Stafford A&E. We're still not sure if the most worrying part was the "injured" or the "Stafford" but still. At this point I rang Neils mobile phone, only to hear his Hawaii Five O ring tone emanating from the kitchen, before anyone passes comment he likes the show (the new one) a lot and has a hankering to visit the country as well. So thinking my husband has missed the mobile point on mobile phones, I hopefully rang Will, amazingly Will answers and I start explaining about the phone message. They were on their way home at this point so all was OK, then Xanders mobile phone started ringing, then Neils mobile started ringing, I put my phone down and it rang in my hand. Now I'm not sure if it was the level of desperation that I thought the situation must have been far more serious if they were attempting to ring every single number that they had for us, or just that all the phones were ringing but it sent me into a mild sort of panic. I felt like I couldn't breathe properly, quite scary, and a total over reaction to the situation (both me and them). It turns out that after X-rays etc, Neils Mom is OK, that nothing was broken, mind you even muscular damage can be very painful and takes a lot of time to heal, longer the older you are. As for the panic mode, well I think we will put that one down to experience and try to minimise the number of actual phones near me when I'm alone, for the time being at least.