Six weeks later

It's amazing, the weeks really have flown by, when I started writing this three weeks ago I had only intended it as a way to keep myself, mentally, going until I got to 6 weeks. Now I find that writing this every morning has become part of my daily routine, and yes still very therapeutic. Everyone goes through times when they need somebody to talk to, but they don't always know who that somebody should be, me I write a blog, I talk to the imaginary world of the internet and I find it helps, I get all those things off my chest that would otherwise fester and make me grumpy and stroppy. It does have it's negative points though, as I find when I'm chatting to my Dad on the phone (like last night) and would normally tell him all the things that have gone on in the week, good and bad, my brain doesn't seem to have anything to offer, as if writing it in my blog wipes it out somehow, it was not a very interesting chat for him at all, I must keep a couple of things back so at least I don't bore him to death next time.

So what about this magical "6 weeks", what does it really mean for me? The main thing is really the driving, although I did pop out on Thursday, being able to drive myself to the woods, to the shops and to my horse, this is all very important. There is always the freedom element, when you are used to having on your own car, it comes as quite a challenge having to manage without one. Of course in the first few weeks after my operation(s) I didn't really want to travel anywhere so it wasn't too much of a thing. But, these past couple of weeks, especially with it being the 6 week holiday, it's been a bit of a nightmare, I don't just mean I couldn't take my kids out anywhere, I mean I couldn't get out away from my kids! I can also now start to exercise, I'm not up to loads of sit ups, running and riding just yet, (does that imply I used to run, I didn't, but I could start) just gentle stomach exercises,walking and swimming. (OK I don't swim either, I can, maybe I should start that too?) Basically I'm not convalescing any more, just recovering, that's recovering my fitness, my health and maybe if I'm lucky a bit more of myself.

As to today, well I already have washing on the line, I'm eternally optimistic even with the weather. I have to pack Will a bag to take to Woolacombe, yes I'll pack it for him, I know he won't learn that way but it is the less painful route. He tried to run away once, when he was about 7, he packed a bag then, all of his underwear and no clothes, these days he'd do the opposite, OK so maybe I should do it with him, instead of for him. I am also taking over the care of my horse Malarky today, it makes sense  as for the next three days Neil can help and then I have Xander for a week, then if I'm still struggling with anything I can just wait until after school for either of the boys to help me. I owe Carla so much for looking after him for me, and will somebody please remind me that I actually owe her money as well! I've missed Malarky so much, not just seeing him but the looking after him, and the routine of it. That's another thing I'm recovering, some routine in my day, I think that's another reason I like writing this blog. When I was in the middle of having chemo, and feeling really sorry for myself I might add, I had Ned as my reason to get up in the morning. Neil and the kids, well they could look after themselves, but I had to look after Ned, you can't hide away from the world when you have a dog, no matter how much you may want to, it's always good to have a reason to get out of bed. Now I have Ned, Malarky and my blog, of course I have Uni too, but that's another matter for another morning.