You know how sometimes you don't realise how stressed you are until the thing that you didn't realise was actually stressing you out goes away? Is that nonsense, you know you don't realise how noisy something is whilst it's being noisy but when it stops? OK I'm not making myself very clear this morning, I got a letter from the hospital yesterday saying my next appointment with my consultant was next October, that's almost 12 months away. So I used logic (I know it's one of my lessons not to do that but it seemed safe this time), to determine that my MRI scan and my blood test must have been clear otherwise they'd have wanted to see me a hell of a lot sooner than that. Now I do have a doctors appointment this morning, to discuss Cyrils bad behaviour, so I will ask my doctor (not that it is actually my doctor, I've only ever seen her once) to see if they have a copy of my test results, because I'd really like a medical person to stand (or sit) in front of me and say, it's OK you are actually cancer free, because so far nobody has. It doesn't seem like a big ask, and as I said I gather from the lack of an urgent appointment with my consultant that I probably am, but still it would be nice. Anyway that explains the first sentence, I was so relieved when I got the letter, but I hadn't realised how worried I was about the possibility of the cancer being back.
I didn't get very far with my essay yesterday, I did jot down a couple of pages of notes, and it has a title and the beginnings of a bibliography so I guess it's a start. I'm finding it really hard to get my head into the essay zone, I wonder if the doctor has pills for that too? I'm not sure exactly what I expect the doctor to do, whether he will just give me pills to help deal with Cyril or send me to a nutritionist to deal with the source of the problem, or maybe a mixture of the two. We will have to wait and see, my appointment is at 9:35 so at least it shouldn't take up too much of my morning, mind you this is the doctors so you never really know do you. I really do need to get some more of my essay down on paper, it's supposed to be 2500 words long and is due in next Monday, so far my word count is up to about 60, so I have a little bit of work to do. Still Monday seems a long way away right now, so I'm not going to start panicking, it's the worse thing you can do when you have an essay, well it is for me, I start waffling incoherently, which is great for the word count, but not for the grade.
I do have to take Ned to the woods today, he could do with a good run, and I could do with some fresh air. I know I go to the field to see Malarky and get fresh air then, but the situation there is now a bit stressful, as the woman who wanted to move fields was a bit harassing yesterday, but Dave (who owns the place) has told me not to worry, but to stay put and he will deal with her. Still it's not a nice feeling thinking that I've upset somebody, even if it's not my fault. Neil says I'm just too nice and really should have said no to moving fields in the first place, but like I said I was trying to be nice. So my day today will be a bit in and out, ending with Uni this evening, we are finishing off the American Civil War today, so I'm guessing there must be a lot of stuff that went on afterwards as the module goes on until Christmas.
I'm off to get myself another cup of coffee now and see if it wakes my brain up at all, as I really could do with it in residence today.
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