Seven weeks + 3

Well I have my family all back together again, I swear Will has grown and his teeth have straightened in the week he's been away, I know that seems unlikely but there you go. The celebration dinner went down quite well, and the tiramisu especially well, I got a 9.5 average score, not bad I think for a first attempt, it actually wasn't very hard to make but extremely messy. I'm not sure I'll make it too often though as the calorific value is on a par with pork scratchings! It seems to me that despite all the protests to the contrary, Xander is really glad to have Will home, they have been all joking and friendly, brotherly almost, it remains to be seen how long that will last. Plus they have both got up early this morning, which for Xander is relatively normal, but for Will it's unheard of, although he's apparently been getting up early all week, but I put that down to sleeping in an awning. Could this be a complete personality turn around, is this what a week in Woolacombe does to a person? He also said he had a burger yesterday with salad and stuff on it and actually ate most of the salad. Hang on this is all too strange, this can't be Will, where is my real son? No don't answer that I'll try this one out for a while before I make any rash decisions about tracing the original one. 

I've been trying to decide the best way to celebrate having the house to myself today, should I run around whopping and cheering, or go shopping to Merry Hill? The second option really doesn't seem in keeping with the reason for the celebration, but I'm female, shopping is always an option. Mind you Will doesn't actually have to be in school until 11 so I guess it's only for half a day, that I have the house to myself. I do still have to take Ned to the woods, and go and see Malarky, skip out the field and what not. They have the stupidest set of roadworks on the way to the field, it has tripled my travelling time to get there, and not done much for my blood pressure either, it does make it easier to get out of the gateway to come home, but only if I want to go via Wombourne, which is in the opposite direction to where I live. When I'm back at Uni, the field will be on my way, or on my way back, more likely, I never seem to allow enough time for things, it's part of the reason I thought it would be an ideal place to keep Malarky, that and the previous 5 minute travelling time to get there. So in reality if you deduct the time for all the things I have to do today, and leave a little out for lunch, I think I've got about 10 minutes to actually celebrate, looks like it's whooping and cheering then!

Talking of going back to Uni, I've got 2 weeks before the start of the semester and am starting to feel a little nervous, I'm just being silly it will be fine once I'm there, I should just keep saying that to myself. I wanted to quit at the beginning of the year, I think going back last September, when I hadn't finished my chemo was a mistake that had a knock on effect, and by the beginning of the second semester I wanted to jack it all in. Laura (big sister, who works at the Uni) told me I'd be better off if I managed to at least finish the year, it then counts as a qualification, a diploma, so at least I'd have something to show for it. Once I got to the end of the year , though, and hadn't completely made a mess of my assignments, I thought well why not just do the last year I might as well. Even with all the stuff that has happened to me recently I never considered not going back to finish my degree, but it doesn't make the process easy. On the one hand I feel like so many obstacles have been placed in front of me, trying to prevent me from completing my plan to become a teacher, it makes me even more determined to do it. On the other I'm a bit tired of having to give myself pep talks, and with going back to Uni looming I keep thinking how much easier it would be not to go back. I have moments of perfect clarity, when I know that becoming a teacher is more than the right thing to do, it's what I'm meant to do. Then I have times when I just think I'm 41, by the time I'm qualified and actually teaching, will it really be worth it? I feel another pep talk coming on, actually I should go back and do some more volunteering at Summerhill, if Maria Wilson (Head of History) will have me again, when I was there in the classroom, that's when it all felt right for me, I felt at home. Enough of my self doubt, I have a 10 year old to send to school, he's really chuffed, he's the oldest kid in the school, funny what ticks his boxes and it's something he has no control over.