You will be glad to hear that Xander is still cheerful and humming, and has been since way too early this morning, he's playing some Xbox game he bought with his birthday money, I'm assuming he's shooting and killing people, it seems to be the way in my house that the men relax. We all went to Merry Hill last night, but instead of eating at Pizza Hut as planned went to the food court, it's a really good idea, especially if you have trouble making decisions, the choice ranges from your standard junk food (KFC & Burger King), to the more exotic (Chinese & Sushi). The problem is that a couple of the food stalls have shut down (typical problems of the current financial situation I'm guessing), and you know they were the ones that we wanted. Neil wanted Indian food, that one was shut, Xander wanted Australian (yes you heard right they had one called Oporto, Australian with grilled chicken not fried), anyway that one had shut too. Will wanted Burger King, but then it wasn't his birthday, so we sat and waited, and waited, and waited while Xander sat and thought and weighed up the options (he likes his food and these sorts of decisions can be life changing). He (eventually) decided to have KFC, which is a little mad as we have one 5 mins away from where we live, but it was his birthday and in our house you eat whatever you want on your birthday (as long as it's not too expensive), he had a Godfather box meal which I said I was relieved didn't come with a horses head, of course my kids now think I'm madder than ever and have no clue what I was on about.
I've just done my good deed for the day for the birds of this world, OK it was my cat (Denny, I have two others as well) who had the bird in his mouth and I spotted him on the drive, luckily for me (and the bird), he has a big mouth, I mean he's a very chatty cat. So the moment I opened the front door, he turned to me and said (I am guessing at this point) "Mom, look what I caught" giving the apparently dead bird the chance to fly out of his mouth and away up the street. I know it's a cats natural instinct to catch things, and I have no problem at all with my cats catching mice, but if I can save a little bird now and then I see that as a good thing. So the little bird may be a little bent for a while he flew all right so I can only assume he will be fine. Denny is now sulking on the drive, but to be fair if he learned to keep his mouth shut he'd still have his catch.
I'm planning on having another go at lunging Malarky today, I thought if I hung around until nobody was about I could have a go at doing it properly, without spectators I'm sure it would go much better. I mean I know how to do it, I even have a qualification somewhere in the house that says I know how to lunge correctly. Maybe that is my mistake, I shall dig out my certificate and take it with me, not to show the people, but to prove to Malarky, maybe once he knows what he's dealing with it will all go so much better. Can anybody else see how this could go really wrong for me, I can just imagine Malarky rolling around with laughter at the sight of a piece of paper, plus you do have to wonder about my sanity right now. The problem is I've gone from being stuck in the house with the kids to being all by myself, there really is no pleasing some people, now I have nobody to talk to, not that the kids really talked to me, but I talked to them all the time. So I have no choice but to have serious meaningful discussions with anything I can find with a pulse, and yes this includes my animals, and any poor person who tries to ring me up to sell me something!
Actually I am really tired, I mean sleep for a week kind of tired, so maybe I should just go back to bed, I'm not sure if it's the lack of a decent nights sleep, or getting back into the back to school routine. The thing about recovering from anything is that even when you look and sound like yourself, you really aren't quite there yet. I do feel like I have to be as normal as possible for everyone around me, when there is still a big bit of me that wants to be in a grumpy stroppy mood. It's a mood roller coaster, I get that, maybe some people live like this all the time, but I don't really like it. I want to have the old me back, right now I'd settle for the one I was before the operations in July, never mind the one I was before all of this started. Sorry Cyril is getting me down at the moment, running his mouth off (subtle I know), when he's behaving I can almost (not really but it's close) forget that he's there and laugh and joke and do all the normal things a person does (we'll pretend that spinning around in a field is normal). When he's being a pain my agoraphobic urges come back and I just want to be home where I know I can cope. How can I go back to Uni when I feel like this, or back to Summerhill to help Miss Wilson in the classroom, or even shopping with my family, or worse alone? I'm not depressed, I'm just finding some things depressing right now, maybe I should watch something funny on the TV (computer) to cheer me up, or maybe I'll be really lucky and the sun will come out. The thing with roller coasters is that you can't get off, and you have to put up with the downs and hope for more ups.
I've just done my good deed for the day for the birds of this world, OK it was my cat (Denny, I have two others as well) who had the bird in his mouth and I spotted him on the drive, luckily for me (and the bird), he has a big mouth, I mean he's a very chatty cat. So the moment I opened the front door, he turned to me and said (I am guessing at this point) "Mom, look what I caught" giving the apparently dead bird the chance to fly out of his mouth and away up the street. I know it's a cats natural instinct to catch things, and I have no problem at all with my cats catching mice, but if I can save a little bird now and then I see that as a good thing. So the little bird may be a little bent for a while he flew all right so I can only assume he will be fine. Denny is now sulking on the drive, but to be fair if he learned to keep his mouth shut he'd still have his catch.
I'm planning on having another go at lunging Malarky today, I thought if I hung around until nobody was about I could have a go at doing it properly, without spectators I'm sure it would go much better. I mean I know how to do it, I even have a qualification somewhere in the house that says I know how to lunge correctly. Maybe that is my mistake, I shall dig out my certificate and take it with me, not to show the people, but to prove to Malarky, maybe once he knows what he's dealing with it will all go so much better. Can anybody else see how this could go really wrong for me, I can just imagine Malarky rolling around with laughter at the sight of a piece of paper, plus you do have to wonder about my sanity right now. The problem is I've gone from being stuck in the house with the kids to being all by myself, there really is no pleasing some people, now I have nobody to talk to, not that the kids really talked to me, but I talked to them all the time. So I have no choice but to have serious meaningful discussions with anything I can find with a pulse, and yes this includes my animals, and any poor person who tries to ring me up to sell me something!
Actually I am really tired, I mean sleep for a week kind of tired, so maybe I should just go back to bed, I'm not sure if it's the lack of a decent nights sleep, or getting back into the back to school routine. The thing about recovering from anything is that even when you look and sound like yourself, you really aren't quite there yet. I do feel like I have to be as normal as possible for everyone around me, when there is still a big bit of me that wants to be in a grumpy stroppy mood. It's a mood roller coaster, I get that, maybe some people live like this all the time, but I don't really like it. I want to have the old me back, right now I'd settle for the one I was before the operations in July, never mind the one I was before all of this started. Sorry Cyril is getting me down at the moment, running his mouth off (subtle I know), when he's behaving I can almost (not really but it's close) forget that he's there and laugh and joke and do all the normal things a person does (we'll pretend that spinning around in a field is normal). When he's being a pain my agoraphobic urges come back and I just want to be home where I know I can cope. How can I go back to Uni when I feel like this, or back to Summerhill to help Miss Wilson in the classroom, or even shopping with my family, or worse alone? I'm not depressed, I'm just finding some things depressing right now, maybe I should watch something funny on the TV (computer) to cheer me up, or maybe I'll be really lucky and the sun will come out. The thing with roller coasters is that you can't get off, and you have to put up with the downs and hope for more ups.
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